I'm currently getting molested by random computers on strange ports, and would like to find out more info on these people trying to get into my pr0n stash

(it's notoriously huge....everyone wants access j/k). Anyways 52 alerts....wait 56....61.....you get the point. I believe some of them *may* be coming from the laptop connected to our DSL modem through USB, but I can't be sure as it's not a PC I can see what IP it uses.
Here at ResellerRatings SocalGal and freinds seem to rack up a tonne of info on people, and some is through IP addresses. Other's make posts asking why such and such is accessing my comps on weird ports. How do you get this data on what ISP they are on/where they live etc? Whois? Not sure how to use that, it isn't a DOS command.
BTW - please don't go on about "oh your just being a paranoid goat", when I'm at 96 alerts and counting and no other computer is on my network, I get a little concerned as they are coming from all different IP addresses. No antivirus installed here, I'm stuck on an AMD K6-2 300-something and need all the resources I can get until I get back to my non-sucky PC in a couple days.