02-04-2004, 10:14 AM
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New Anger-Powered Cars May Revolutionize The Way We Drive
(From The Onion, America's Finest News Source™.) Quote:
[photo]
Above: The Chevrolet Tantrum, one of the new road-rage-fueled vehicles.
"By drawing a significant percentage of its motive power from the unbridled temper of the American motorist, the new anger-powered car will change, or at least take mechanical advantage of, the way Americans drive," General Motors vice-chairman Robert A. Lutz said. "We plan to have these furiously efficient machines careening down America's highways, byways, and sidewalks within two years."
Lutz said automakers have been researching fury fuels since the mid-1970s. As early as 1984, they began to look for ways to take advantage of the limitless supply of bad temper generated daily by American drivers—outrage currently vented wastefully into dashboards, steering wheels, and passengers.
An engine burning clean, white-hot hatred will release few harmful byproducts into the atmosphere—bad vibes and a small amount of water vapor will combine to be released in the form of human spittle. In addition, anger technology will turn the standard fuel-economy paradigm on its head: An anger-powered engine is actually more efficient in heavy urban traffic.
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