675,865 reviews,
402 today

Sweeper · 01-13-2002, 03:23 AM

HOW MANY...?

How many Psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one, but the bulb has to really want to change.

How many Zen masters does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to change the light bulb and one not to change the light bulb.

How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
How many can you afford?

How many Teamsters does it take to change a light bulb?
None. That's the electrician's job.

How many programmers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None. That's a hardware problem.

How many Microsoft executives does it take to change a light bulb?
None, they just redefine Darkness as the new industry standard.

How many social activists does it take to change a light bulb?
None. The light bulb shouldn't have to change for society to accept it.

How many supply-side economists does it take to change a light bulb?
None. The darkness will cause the light bulb to change by itself.

How many medical students does it take to change a light bulb?
One hundred. One to change the bulb, one to pull the ladder out from under him, and 98 to take notes.

TheBurningCat · 01-13-2002, 04:00 AM

HaHoHe, Funny stuff.

CujoRbd · 01-13-2002, 04:23 AM

ROFLMAO! Those are good!

I haven't heard most of them, but I'll sure have to remember them.

OuTpaTienT · 01-13-2002, 04:32 AM

How many gorillas does it take to screw in a light bulb?

* Just one, but it takes a sh**load of light bulbs.

OuTpaTienT · 01-13-2002, 04:44 AM

Q: How many AOL employees does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: I am responding to your letter on behalf of Steve Case. Thank you for taking the time to write to us.

We appreciate your interest in our new premium lightbulb service on the AOL Lightbulb Channel. We know that, for you and many other members, lightbulbs are an important part of the AOL experience.

For detailed information on the premium lightbulb service, please go to keyword: LIGHTBULB.

I am sorry that you are disappointed that some of our new lightbulbs will be offered as part of a new premium lightbulb service. However, by offering a new premium service, we will be able to bring the best lightbulbs in the world to our members.

In order for the industry to flourish, it needs to have a viable economic model - just as with any industry. To ensure that lightbulb developers receive the level of investment required to continue to create great lightbulbs, these lightbulbs need to be offered as a premium service. Also, you will find that AOL is not alone in making this decision. Premium lightbulb services are quickly becoming the norm throughout cyberspace. As was noted in WorldPlay's announcement, other ISPs will be providing WorldPlay lightbulbs as premium services as well.

We are committed to making the lighbulb experience even better for you by also bringing you the state-of-the-art in the lightbulb industry's next big wave - online multiuser lightbulbs. By putting them on AOL, we are making it easy and convenient for you to share the fun and excitement with family, friends and lightbulb partners around the world.

As you know, WorldPlay and other lightbulb developers invest heavily, to produce the best lightbulbs you can find anywhere. Lightbulbs online have longer life, and can be updated more easily, to offer a much larger community than CD-rom versions bought at the store.

Thousands of members have beta-tested some of our new lightbulbs and have given us great feedback. Members can try our new premium lightbulbs on the Lightbulb Channel during this month-long free trial period. We believe you will find the higher level of enjoyment and excitement worth it.

Again, thank you for writing.

Sincerely,

Donald M.
Office of the Chairman

TheBurningCat · 01-13-2002, 04:53 AM

OMG, My ISP just dissconnects you if you complain too much.

OuTpaTienT · 01-13-2002, 06:00 AM

Q. How many Internet USENET newsgroup subscribers does it take to change a light bulb?

A. 1,499

* 1 to change the light bulb and to post to the group that the light bulb has been changed
* 14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently
* 7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs
* 27 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs
* 53 to flame the spell checkers
* 41 to correct spelling/grammar flames
* 6 to argue over whether it's "lightbulb" or "light bulb"
* another 6 to condemn those 6 as anal-retentive
* 156 to write to the group moderator about the light bulb discussion and its inappropriateness to this group
* 109 to post that this group is not about light bulbs and to please take this discussion to alt.litebulb.d
* 59 to post that this group is not about light bulbs and to please take this discussion to alt.lite.bulb.d
* 203 to demand that cross posting to alt.grammar, alt.spelling and alt.illuminati about changing light bulbs be stopped
* 111 to defend the posting to this group saying that we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts *are* relevant to this group
* 306 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this technique and what brands are faulty
* 27 to post URL's where one can see examples of different light bulbs
* 14 to post that the URL's were posted incorrectly and the post the corrected URL's
* 3 to post about links they found from the URL's that are relevant to this list which makes light bulbs relevant to this list
* 4 to suggest that posters request the light bulb FAQ
* 44 to ask what is "FAQ"
* 33 to link all posts to date, then quote them including all headers and footers and then add "Me too"
* 19 to quote the "Me too's" to say "Me three"
* 12 to post to the group that they are unsubscribing because they cannot handle the light bulb controversy
* 15 to "plonk" all posters in this thread.
* 82 to ask "what's plonk mean?"
* 4 to say "didn't we go through this already with an Internet mail list?"
* 143 to ask "what's an internet mail list?"