675,865 reviews,
402 today

korgul · 01-25-2004, 09:15 AM

The other night I was unable to sleep. One of the things that I do to try to go to sleep is to picture nothing in my mind. Just totaly relax and picture a black canvas in my mind. Sometimes a white dot will appear in the center. Well this happened the other night and I thought I wonder if I can see this in reverse, a white canvas with a black dot. Well this then made my mind wonder and I thought of a poem. Now I am not a poet and this is the first time that I have ever came up with one. So give me you honest opinion.

Thoughts of an insomniac

Light
Light all around
Yet, in the center a black dot
I am drawn to it
Closer, closer
closer still
until the sweet warmth of sleep overtakes me.

on a scale of 1-10 what do you think

Martoch · 01-25-2004, 09:19 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by korgul
what do you think

I think you should grow more tomato plants!

Hmmm, seriously though...sounds inspiring to me, you obviously had some sort of moment where everything just seemed right for you. I like it, especially the "sweet warmth of sleep"...makes me want to take a nap right now.

I wouldn't put this on a 1-10 scale...you see, us poets don't like to have our work rated like that. I mean, come on, how could you rate this:

Mirror, mirror, on the wall,
Violets are blue,
All the king's horses and all the king's men,
And the dish ran away with the spoon.

See what I mean?

Good stuff buddy!