On the Implausibility of the Death Star's Trash Compactor

[Theophylact]

From McSweeney's.

[Gouki]

An interesting read. Reminded me of a conversation from one of the greatest movies of all time. Score yourself a bonus point if you know the movie.

RANDAL
So they build another Death Star,
right?

DANTE
Yeah.

RANDAL
Now the first one they built was
completed and fully operational
before the Rebels destroyed it.

DANTE
Luke blew it up. Give credit where
it's due.

RANDAL
And the second one was still being
built when they blew it up.

DANTE
Compliments of Lando Calrissian.

RANDAL
Something just never sat right with
me the second time they destroyed
it. I could never put my finger on
it-something just wasn't right.

DANTE
And you figured it out?

RANDAL
Well, the thing is, the first Death
Star was manned by the Imperial
army-storm troopers, dignitaries-
the only people onboard were
Imperials.

DANTE
Basically.

RANDAL
So when they blew it up, no prob.
Evil is punished.

DANTE
And the second time around...?


RANDAL
The second time around, it wasn't
even finished yet. They were still
under construction.

DANTE
So?

RANDAL
A construction job of that magnitude
would require a helluva lot more
manpower than the Imperial army had
to offer. I'll bet there were
independent contractors working on
that thing: plumbers, aluminum
siders, roofers.

DANTE
Not just Imperials, is what you're
getting at.

RANDAL
Exactly. In order to get it built
quickly and quietly they'd hire
anybody who could do the job. Do
you think the average storm trooper
knows how to install a toilet main?
All they know is killing and white
uniforms.

DANTE
All right, so even if independent
contractors are working on the
Death Star, why are you uneasy with
its destruction?

RANDAL
All those innocent contractors
hired to do a job were killed-
casualties of a war they had
nothing to do with.
(notices Dante's confusion)
All right, look-you're a roofer,
and some juicy government contract
comes your way; you got the wife
and kids and the two-story in
suburbia-this is a government
contract, which means all sorts of
benefits. All of a sudden these
left-wing militants blast you with
lasers and wipe out everyone within
a three-mile radius.
(MORE)


RANDAL (CONT'D)
You didn't ask for that. You have
no personal politics. You're just
trying to scrape out a living.

The BLUE-COLLAR MAN joins them.

BLUE-COLLAR MAN
Excuse me. I don't mean to
interrupt, but what were you
talking about?

RANDAL
The ending of Return of the Jedi.

DANTE
My friend is trying to convince me
that any contractors working on the
uncompleted Death Star were innocent
victims when the space station was
destroyed by the rebels.

BLUE-COLLAR MAN
Well, I'm a contractor myself. I'm
a roofer...
(digs into pocket and
produces business card)
Dunn and Reddy Home Improvements.
And speaking as a roofer, I can say
that a roofer's personal politics
come heavily into play when choosing
jobs.

RANDAL
Like when?

BLUE-COLLAR MAN
Three months ago I was offered a
job up in the hills. A beautiful
house with tons of property. It was
a simple reshingling job, but I was
told that if it was finished within
a day, my price would be doubled.
Then I realized whose house it was.

DANTE
Whose house was it?

BLUE-COLLAR MAN
Dominick Bambino's.

RANDAL
"Babyface" Bambino? The gangster?


BLUE-COLLAR MAN
The same. The money was right, but
the risk was too big. I knew who he
was, and based on that, I passed
the job on to a friend of mine.

DANTE
Based on personal politics.

BLUE-COLLAR MAN
Right. And that week, the Foresci
family put a hit on Babyface's
house. My friend was shot and
killed. He wasn't even finished
shingling.

RANDAL
No way!

BLUE-COLLAR MAN
(paying for coffee)
I'm alive because I knew there were
risks involved taking on that
particular client. My friend wasn't
so lucky.
(pauses to reflect)
You know, any contractor willing to
work on that Death Star knew the
risks. If they were killed, it was
their own fault. A roofer listens
to this...
(taps his heart)
not his wallet.

The BLUE-COLLAR MAN exits. DANTE and RANDAL remain
respectfully quiet for a moment.

[willy_ph]

Clerks is the movie Gouki.

[Optimus Prime]

The Clerks , class.

[Thargon the POW]

is every1 going CRAZY?.......

:-}

[Epidemic]

Well I am sorry this again is an example of poorly though out liberal trash.

the multi wall compactor Allows you access to the room if the system fails. Having a single ram push past the service door would exclude you from access to the trash room if a failure happend causing the ram to fail to retract. The speed of the thing is obvious. It goes slowly for several reasond. Most important being that the speed is controlled by either the gear ratio or hydrolic advantage desired. if you wish to crush heavy space age metals it would probably be in your best interest to have a system capable developing maximum thrust. A giant ram with a small inlet will develop much more thrust but require more time to fill.

As for the vents. Even supposed closed loop systems such as septic systems have outlets first off they perk into the soil. That would be kinda nasty to perk into the lower decks so that does not work. This leaves you with a problem. Rotting trash will of course create gas. methane if it follows earth rotting rules. the pressure would probably be best to vent in a direction other than crew quarters. The vent therfore may well not be part of the ventilations system but rather a vent to space where excess gass can escape before reaching dangerous levels.

compactor also need not be above the floor. The monster left well before the compactor started to get dangerously close. It could very well have heard the start up cycle and escaped through a channel between chambers. The stupidity of thinking that there is only one way for the monster to survive is foolish... It is also indicated that the author thinks that this monster was placed there. That would be like saying that rats on a 18th century clipper ship were put there by the sailors for clean up.

The rats came on their own accord.

Finally why compact it one direction well that could be explained by the articles complaint that space is infinite. One could simply desire that no articles ejected from the death star can be used by the enemy. So the compactor simply insures destruction of usable materials.

Dumping in space also need not be a tremendous hazard as long as there are rules such as only starbord ejections along major trade routes. Or simply waiting to reach a planet with an atmosphere to eject the waste. If the rule is to only eject it in the direction of a sun or atmosphere then the garbage will only remain in space a relatively short period of time.

[kelburn]

if technology at this point in time had progressed to the point where they could blow up starships through their shields with laser guns, then a compactor would not even be needed. they could reduce the garbage to tiny bits with a garbage laser.

[RedFury]

Touche' kelburn, but where do you confine the explosion to? Obviously these largely powerful lasers create an enormous concussive force...what kind of structure would the Death Star have had to have in order to atom smash it's garbage without destroying ( or in the very least creating a very large hole ) itself?

[nunyadam]

well if it was me, I would be using the gas for fuel, and recycling the metal and plastic bits as much as possible.

[f1oored]

What a hippy answer! If I was the empire I would be shoving that crap out into space or blasting it to some planet with innocent life forms. I'm sure no galactic tree hugger is going to work up the nerve to say something to Darth Vader.

The way I see it, the universe is infinite, my own personal infinite trashcan.