Dear Illegal Worker,

[Theophylact]

Hola, 'amigo!' As you may have heard, we Bush administration caballeros have been cookin' up a muy caliente plan to help y'all become free, legal, Americans. Citizens, no less. Well, some of you. Not too many. But however you slice the jalapeno, it's mucho fun. Let me explain.

See all you have to do to qualify is come forward, give us your vital informacione, and there you go - you're a legal, temporary worker!

Well, your employer also has to come forward and prove that no American could be found to take your job. Which means that they'd probably have to confess that they're an employer who pays less than minimum wage, and then probably have to start paying more, yes, true. But it could happen, si? Si! Keep hope alive!

Once you're in the program, you get to start paying taxes! You're participating in the system. Part of the American Experiencione. Your kids can go to school, you can have your own name on your mailbox, why, it's almost like having a green card, si? Si!

Almost. You'll be eligible for one of the 140,000 green cards we give out every year. We may even increase that number. That might not seem like a lot, given that lots of other folks are in line for 'em, and there's 8 million of you, but it's better than nothing, si? Si!

Now, if for some reason you don't get one of those carditos verdes, well, we might have to use the information you gave us, look you up, and escort you back to your nation of origin. Your homeland! Think of it - at worst, you get a free trip home, where you can go to your old casa and see your mamacitas and abuelas and whoever else you got there. You can't lose, si? Si!

Some of you might also be a bit concerned that we in the Department of Labor are doing this in conjunctione with the Department of Homeland Security. Let me assure you that this is no problemo. We gringos just like to share information, that's all. You'll start to understand that once you take what may be the first step towards possibly getting to the traditional first step to potentially becoming a citizen.

So, what are you waiting for, amigo? Get going and salsa on down to your nearest centro de la registracione!


Regorditas,

Elaine L. Chao
Secretary of Labor


PS - If you like the sound of this and you have some latino amigos who really are citizens, tell them to vote for Senor Bush, si? Si!

--from Adam Felber's Fanatical Apathy

[Droppyale]

[Epidemic]

Hmmm,

That is enlightening.

Perhaps it is not such a bad plan after all.

Ship out all current illegals after 3 years.

Coupled with improved border security we might actually see a rise in AMERICAN wages when they have to fill your now vacant slot. We can also invite some replacements for you from the world market with those 8 million job opening ready to go to those who seek legal entry into the US.

I like it.

Perhaps playing by the rules might pay off in the end.

[Knothead]

AH--HAHAHAHAHAAAA!!!

Si? SI!

I'm in TEARS!!

[Theophylact]

And here's Jeff Danziger's take on it...

[Chuckiechan]

Isn't the real reason for a labor shortage is that we are not mean enough to tell people in this country to work or starve?

Wouldn't we rather keep shoveling money down the welfare hole than bus people to jobs?

Aren't we afraid to move people to other parts of the contry where the jobs are, rather that have them sit against a wall wondering why the "foreigners" are getting all of the jobs?

It seems our compassion has eaten away our back bone.

[J-Excel]

The funniest part is that if a liberal came up with this exact same plan all the liberals would be cheering and all of the conservatives would be jeering. There are few free thinkers in partisan politics. Everyone has to toe the party line.

[Bill in SD, CA]

Even Bart Simpson has something to say on this:

Bart Simpson's take



Bill

[Pexster]

J-Excel, though most would put me in the "liberal" camp

(and I wouldn't generally disagree, although I think most who call themselves "conservative" nowadays don't really understand the meaning or roots of this term -- hint: it doesn't mean Republican or Bush or Ashcroft . . . but that's another topic)

I generally agree with this move simply because I have long held that we need a guest worker program of one sort or another. Is this perfect? Far from it. But it is at least acknowledging the need and taking a step. Is it politically motivated? As much or as little as most anything else politicians do.

One thing I think many overlook is that a LOT of Mexican-Americans look down on recent immigrants from their ancestral country even more than many Anglos. I experienced this attitude often growing up in a So Cal barrio. So counting this move as a slam dunk for the Latino vote is not as simple as it might seem, IMO.

[MegalosSkylaki]

Bush's blatent ploy to look Un Amigo de Los hispanicos is --well, Blatent !

The fundamental problem is quite simple and quite historical: Immigration has always been a battle between Labor (opposed) and Monopoly (in favor).

Agribusiness has kicked in on the side of "stoop labor" and many legal American residents have looked their noise down on these workers..because..because...they do stoop labor !

So long as the jobs are here and not there i.e. Mexico, there will be Mexicans seking to cross the border.

The hypocrasy is not that different from that which imprisons a prostitute --but let's the Customer go as a John Doe. Try imprisoning John Doe --and see what happens.

MegalosSkylaki