Sir? Please drop that Rand-McNally Road Atlas and stand up slowly...

[Theophylact]

FBI Issues Alert Against Almanac Carriers

[DaveLewis]

In a related warning the FBI cautioned Americans to be on the look out for any one with hands. Homeland security officials stated that "Hands are a vital component of most terrorist activities. Our research shows that well in excess of 90% of all bombs are built by hand. In addition AK-47s, RPG's, pistols and other bits of assorted nastiness are all operated by hands and/or trigger fingers. Therefore anyone with one or both hands, or any number of fingers up to ten may be considered a potential terrorist. "

Now I'm really going to have trouble getting on an airplane.

[SeanC]

How pathetic is that. Almanacs?????

DaveLewis: that's funny. If you have hands you're a terrorist.

Sean

[desmocat]

I dare somebody to go to a bookstore and buy like 20 of them.
This is getting stupid..
Until the powers the be realize a terrorists greatest weapon is their mind, they ainta gonna learn nuthin..

I guess they are going to ban mapquest next??
that or you bring up a map and it shows nothing but a big old black box with "censored" across it. duhh...

[JacobM5727]

they had almanacs on sale for like $5 at borders, i almost got one
thank god i dont support terrorism

[Theophylact]

From Opinions You Should Have:

FBI Explains: Almanacs Key To Dillinger's Capture, Others

The FBI has warned police nationwide to be alert for people carrying almanacs, cautioning that the popular reference books covering everything from abbreviations to weather trends could be used for terrorist planning.

"All Points Bulletin," Special Agent Floyd Netty radioed. "Be on the lookout for an olive-skinned man carrying an almanac and favoring his left leg. That is all."

"Almanacs were the key to our greatest arrests," explained Netty. "Bonnie and Clyde carried a big old almanac; Dillinger had one on his pocket watch chain; Capone had a stooge with an almanac with him at all times. Follow the almanacs, you find the criminals," he said.

The FBI has also asked citizens to look out for olive-skinned individuals with strange accents asking for directions to "the nearest large gathering of peoples who are wanting to be infected" and "are you knowing the way to many softest targets in the area."

But modern criminals disagreed with the FBI's approach. "I never carry an almanac no more," said Mohammed al Ackbar, a terrorist in a sleeper cell in Detroit. "I have a GPS in my palm pilot that has a complete readout of nuclear power plants in the entire ecountry. Very handy."

Mr. Ackbar said that it was not inconceivable that terrorists would carry almanacs, however. "I am finding the almanac very fascinating," he said. "Are you knowing that the walleye is the official fish of South Dakota?"

[TOAD6147]

[Theophylact]

And here's Tom Tomorrow's take on this:

[alexzandra]

this is sick.
just sick.

i just think it is their evil ploy to get us all lost.

[blubomber]

I can just see the next episode of "Cops"

Policeman- "What started out to be a runtine traffic stop, quickly turned into a felony stop when i saw the corner of the Almanac sticking out from under the seat. After securing the suspecs, we searched the car and found 10 lbs of pocket almanacs, that were obviously meant for distribution."

Crazy world.