it's suppose to be holiday cheer

[Blazer06]

instead massive thoughts of suicide run through my head. ending it all as a gift to my parents. not that i f----- matters anymore. i live for sam, because of sam. but i cannot live anymore. i hate christams, i have never had a christmas. my prents are always screaming, and somebody always has something to f----- b---- about. and im sick of it, and i cant deal with it. its suppose to be holidays, people are suppose to be happy, yet i sit here crying. im only living for sam... and even she cannot stop me now, in time everything happens. mabye my time is here.


Blaze

[willy_ph]

Dude, go to the hospital or call 911 and get some help...NOW!!!!

[Crix]

dont die, i love you~!!!

[Blazer06]

dont you see... i cant do it. it would hurt her to much. mabye ill just play around, but to actually die would to be betraying her trust, and my promise. i cannot do that.

but the blood calms me. but i have to cut deep to get much. poor circlation by genetics.


Blaze

[Crix]

[Blazer06]

i cant do it. now my brother just calls, i havent seen him in 5 years, havent talked to him in almost a year, and he calls and says merry christmas. wtf? he lives halfway across the world.


Blaze

[tony_j15]

People still care about you! Your brother wouldnt call if he didnt. And Jesus always cares for you, more than anyone else.

[no1_vern]

Hi Blazer,

You are not alone. Do not think you are alone in feeling this way. Do not give in to despair. Many people go through a depression during christmas. You will see lots of people being happy and enjoying themselves(which BTW makes you feel worse because you are supposed to be happy but you arent) but you rarely see the people holding it in, people like yourself, who are not happy with this time of year. One of the causes is less light(sunlight that is), I think you should consider getting one of those light panels that puts out light in the same wavelength as the sun does.

Virtually everything in this world is fixable IF YOU are here to help fix it.

BTW, when did YOU last try to talk to your brother? He was the one to make the first move, you should call him back. say, on NEW YEARS NIGHT to wish him a happy new year.

Above all DONT let it get to you. You can survive this and have a happy life, you just cant give up now !

BTW- What about US !!? Don't you realize your doing that would hurt us as well?? We need you around so I will have someone worthwhile to talk to.

[Blazer06]

the last time i tried to talk to my brother, was over 7 months ago. i tried to call him, but the phone number he gave us previously had been disconnected.

he never returned my emails.


Blaze

[no1_vern]

Things happen, he might have given you a bad number, you might have written it down wrong(same for Email). Dont think that because he never wrote(or called) before this means he didnt want to.