We're in trouble here, folks:

Theophylact · 11-25-2003, 08:55 AM

Anti-Spam Legislation Dooms American Waistlines, *****es

Quote:

November 24, 2003

Washington, Monday [FA Wire] - In passing aggressive anti-spam legislation over the weekend, the US House of Representatives dealt a staggering blow to a large number of Americans in need of help.

"It's a black day for overweight Americans with small *****es who'd like to purchase hot teen Russian brides with the money they earn from a Kenyan inheritance scheme," said Al Bennington, chairman of the National Coalition of Under-endowed Fat Men. "Basically, Congress is telling us that they don't care about our right to receive valuable, unsolicited information about herbal weight loss breakthroughs and advances in the field of non-surgical genital enhancement."

"Most of us are too self-conscious to solicit this kind of vital information on our own. We'll be keeping all this in mind come election day," added Bennington, whose organization sells bumper stickers bearing slogans like "I'm Not Too Fat To Fit In A Booth!" and "I Have A Tiny ***** And I Vote!"

Exempted from this rage were the five Representatives who opposed the measure: Michael M. Honda (D. CA), Sheila Jackson-Lee (D. TX), Zoe Lofgren (D. CA), Presidential candidate Dennis Kucinich (D. OH), and Fanatical Apathy's Official Congressman, Ron Paul (R. TX). "Those guys can stay," said Bennington, whose self-reported weight of 350 pounds and penile size of "just under three quarters of an inch" led him to join the advocacy group.

The overseas reaction has been similarly negative. "I have come across a terrific opportunity involving an unclaimed inheritance worth almost $400,000," said Joseph E. Magdabi of Nairobi. "Now, without the ability to reach American citizens, the money will go unclaimed." "It's a very bad day," agreed Sonia Koblov, 18, of Kiev. "I am so - how do you say - hot. And ready. And now I may never get to meet nice American man for nights of passion and hot sweaty love which I am very good at but have never done."

From Adam Felber's "Fanatical Apathy"

Bovon · 11-25-2003, 10:52 AM

ROFLMAO!

tmx468 · 11-25-2003, 11:14 AM

Ah nuts... And there was me hoping for another 3 inches, Cheap Viagra and a young russian (nympho) virgin to use them on

. Of course, I doubt this will help my hotmail account much though.

John Prophet · 11-25-2003, 11:35 AM

If they could just get the waistline and ***** peeps to go in together...offer a service to take 3 inches off the waist and instead put it...ok, nevermind...but that way there would be half the spam!

alivin · 11-25-2003, 12:13 PM

very,very funny

TOAD6147 · 11-25-2003, 01:02 PM

ALRIGHTY then!!!

Target · 11-25-2003, 02:22 PM

Well thats just great... I suppose I am not gonna be able to get that ultra cheap mortgage now either...or find out who that secret admirer of mine is with hundreds of different email addresses....and what are all those coeds that just their web cams working going to do? Oh the humanity!!!

John Prophet · 11-26-2003, 12:59 AM

All those long lost high school and army buddies...sniff sniff.

Mickwish · 11-26-2003, 01:13 AM

There will always be folks that complain.

Now, where is the Coalition of Spam Vendors? They should take their cue now and talk about how many job losses there will be again.

Cheers
Mick

pickel · 11-26-2003, 01:23 AM

"Ah nuts... And there was me hoping for another 3 inches"

Like , in all things mechanical, it's not the size of the tool you have, it's how you use it and the results you acheive !!