*hilarious* Airplane Maintenence

[ArcticFox]

After every flight, pilots fill out a form called a gripe sheet, which conveys to the mechanics problems encountered with the aircraft during the flight that need repair or correction. The mechanics read and correct the problem, and then respond in writing on the lower half of the form what remedial action was taken, and the pilot reviews the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and problems as submitted by Qantas pilots and the solution recorded by maintenance engineers.

By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident.

(P = The problem logged by the pilot.)
(S = The solution and action taken by the mechanics.)


P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're there for.

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding
on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget

[Martoch]

I remember those...it's been a while though, thanks!

[Droppyale]

[John Prophet]

Reminds me of my USAF days...we radio techs used to have a little fun (me anyway, lol) playing with words...I used to love going to a site and talking to the radio operators about what problem they were having..never know what they were going to say. Some of the tech guys would keep a dead straight face and talk about sunspots causing probs and stuff.

A couple bought a comp and was having some trouble..cant remember it fully though..but they were asking stuff like was the comp too close to a lamp in the room...and would it matter of there was a washer and dryer across the room etc.....I did good keeping a straight face (Im not as mischevious as I used to be, lol)

[Cruez]

Actually posted 4 times...


http://www.techimo.com/forum/search....der=descending

[Vagabond]

there is nothing wrong with reposts its still funny LOL and i missed the first 3

[ArcticFox]

Oh, lol, well here's to the people that missed it

[tony_j15]

Makes you wonder, how does Quantas keep from having accidents with pilots and ground crews like that. :

[lester1]

Originally posted by Vagabond
there is nothing wrong with reposts its still funny LOL and i missed the first 3

ditto

[nochay]

Originally posted by tony_j15
Makes you wonder, how does Quantas keep from having accidents with pilots and ground crews like that. :

by having a sense of humor Show me a USA airline company with a sense of humor. Still won't get me flying a plane though. Not because of september 11th, but because I hate them. Unsafe piles of <censored> Now, I would be interested in flying a blimp Too bad blimps aren't as popular as planes. Would be a cool passenger service.

Dane