Meanwhile, back in the so-called real world,

[Theophylact]

the Pentagon has stopped selling surplus biolab gear to the public. As of September 19.

In case you were worried about Saddam Hussein's trailers, or about Osama bin Laden acquiring bioweapon capability, here's where they could have bought the gear. At "pennies on the dollar".

WASHINGTON (CNN) --The Defense Department sold equipment to the public that can be used for making biological warfare agents, according to a draft report by the General Accounting Office.

The Defense Department agency responsible for the sale of excess property to the public, the Defense Reutilization and Marketing Service, halted the sale of such items September 19 while the practice is reviewed.

"Many items needed to establish a laboratory for making biological warfare agents were being sold on the Internet to the public from DoD's excess property inventory for pennies on the dollar, making them both easy and economical to obtain," the GAO draft report said.

"As requested, GAO established a fictitious company and purchased over the Internet key excess DoD biological equipment items and related protective clothing necessary to produce and disseminate biological warfare agents."

As Tom Lehrer said, "How can you write satire in a world where Henry Kissinger can get the Nobel Peace Prize?"

[osprey4]

Too muckin fuch!

[Theophylact]

Adam Felber still thinks satire is possible:

I managed to secure a phone interview with a DoD "sales rep" just as this news was breaking:

ADAM: I guess my main question is... After 9/11, why did it take you two years to realize that vending biolab gear over the internet might not be entirely wise?

DoD: Hey, did you see that game last night? Whatta finish. Go Sox!

ADAM: Yeah, back to the bio-weapons supplies...

DoD: Oh, right. Whaddya need?

ADAM: Need? What do I need?

DoD: Oooh - sorry. I meant, um, "We no longer sell those products."

ADAM: Okay.

DoD: Though I don't see why we wouldn't. They were just laboratory supplies. Lots of legitimate stuff you could do with it. Pharmaceutical things, agricultural whatchamacallits.

ADAM: Like we found in Iraq.

DoD: What?

ADAM: Well, a lot of government folks are clinging to the presence of the same sort of "laboratory equipment" in Iraq as their only shreds of evidence that Saddam Hussein was producing weapons of mass destruction.

DoD: What? Saddam had this stuff? Whoa! It's a good thing we took 'im out, then.

ADAM: But you said this stuff can be used for other purposes, right?

DoD: I was lying. But now I'm telling you the truth - if you've got these kinda bio-suits and centrifuges, you're making weapons of mass destruction, sure as the Pope's Catholic.

ADAM: So why did you guys have 'em?

DoD: ...

ADAM: Hello?

DoD: I tellya, when they put in Lowe in the 9th last night, I was all like, "Oh jeez, you can't put a breaking ball pitcher in now," but then -

ADAM: Please, let's get back to biological equipment.

DoD: Okay. What do you need?

ADAM: I'm asking why you guys at the Pentagon had this stuff in the first place. Were you experimenting with biological weaponry?

DoD: Us? No! There's plenty of legitimate things you can do with this stuff - agricultural, grammatical...

ADAM: So what specifically were you doing with it all?

DoD: Um, what?

ADAM: What, specifically, were you guys at the Department of Defense doing with all this bio-equipment?

DoD: Uh... farming?

[pause]

ADAM: Farming.

DoD: It's possible.

[pause]

ADAM: Okay. What if I wanted to "farm?"

DoD: Whaddya need? We got a great deal on pressurized canisters - 10 cents on the dollar. Like new.

ADAM: You're still selling this stuff?

DoD: What stuff?

ADAM: *Sigh* ...Biological equipment not unlike that which we've found in Iraq.

DoD: What? Saddam had this stuff? Whoa! It's a good thing we took 'im out, then.

[etc.]