NO, Let ME Pay...

[Renesis]

I usually find myself out and about with a friend or friends at least a few times a week. Lunch, coffee, a movie... whatever. I find myself getting in heated arguments with a few of my friends who INSIST on paying for me. This is because I can't STAND it when people pay for me... If someone "takes care of it", it bothers me for the rest of the evening or day. Secondly, I'm someone who does it myself. So not only am I arguing that they won't pay for me, I'm trying to convince them to let me pay for THEM. This is getting to be an event with a few people that is getting tedious at times, and I want to know what to do.

I don't know why I do this... It's some sort of subconscious routine where I feel more at ease if I know that everyone else is having a good (and worry free) time .. which, for me, somehow includes them not having to pay for anything.

I'm not sure what this is... I'm not sure what advice to ask for, so maybe it's just an op-ed. Oh well..

What opinions do you guys have, regarding this issue?

-R

"NO, I'M PAYING!!!"

[vass0922]

haha, anytime I go home I get into an argument with my friend about whose paying... we usually end up taking turns *shrug*

Dunno.. maybe duct tape their wallets together

If you want to be evil, it will take some work on your part...
start holding out, and never offering to pay..
reverse psychology lol

[slinky]

I found this to be common among Americans of Chinese descent.

[OuTpaTienT]

Sounds to me like you have a major hang-up about this. Why does it weigh on your psyche so heavily? It should not.

You should do your honorable best to pay whenever you feel like you should…but if they INSIST, then let them. What's the big deal? If they insist on paying all the time then obviously they have some insecurity or other issues they are dealing with. Sounds like you may have the same.

Don't worry about trying to figure out how you are going to force your way into paying for them, worry about why you feel so compelled to pay for them. If you were being a bum and always finding ways not to pay then it'd be different. Then you would (or should) be feeling some guilt. That would make sense. But if you've honestly tried to pick up the tab on multiple occasions and then your friends insist they pay, then you should be ok with that. They obviously want to pay and it makes them feel better about themselves, then fine, be a friend and let them.

Figure out your hang-up with why you feel you need pay. Work through it, fix it, and get over it. Then when successful you can share what you learned with your friends…maybe they can then take your advice and get over their own hang-ups. Then they'll happily start letting you pay.

[draboo]

i only have to be told once. then
i say," ok, i ll catch the bill next time" and leave a tip instead.

if you are getting into a heated arguement about it, i would definatly take a close look at why you feel so inclined to pay.

it all comes out in the wash

[M_Six]

Taking turns usually works. "You paid last time, now it's my turn" and so on. Or make it clear before you accept the invite that you'll go only if you can pay this time, or if it's Dutch, so everyone pays for themselves.

[The Real Bingo]

Why dont you just pay for yourselves..that will eliminate the problem.

[Toadman]

And decide verbally before you dine/entertain so there is no uncomfortableness when the check arrives.

[tony_j15]

Man, I wish I had your problem. Me and my buds usually pay for our own. When someone offers to pay for me, I feel obligated to do it next time. My problem is cash is very tight. I reccomend that you sit down with your friends and discuss it, come to a conlusion, and stick with it.

[Uncle Bob]

If you're going out to dine. After being seated Excuse your self,on the pretext of washing your hands. Go to the waiter and
arrange for the bill to be given to you. If going to a movie, buy the tickets in advance and let your friend/s spring for the munchies.