Pilots and Mechanics

[SPEEDO]

Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and problems as submitted by Qantas pilots and the solution recorded by maintenance engineers.

(P = The problem logged by the pilot.)
(S = The solution and action taken by the engineers.)

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in c0ckpit.
S: Something tightened in c0ckpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on backorder.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're there for.

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in ****pit.
S: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.

Could be true, I have no clue

[Mickwish]

Yeah, sounds like a warped Aussie sense of humour!!

Nice, Speedo, thanks!

Cheers
Mick

[311Sam]

Well since im an aircraft mechanic i can say that i have heard of stuff like this being put into the maintenance logs, i also heard that ppl that do this get fired....

[Cyclone2]

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

ROFL though they were all great

[alivin]

Pretty funny but not true I think. IFF means identify friend or foe, and targeting radar are not generally installed on civilian airliners ,unless Quantas is not telling us somthing.

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

[Warthog]

Pretty funny but not true I think. IFF means identify friend or foe, and targeting radar are not generally installed on civilian airliners ,unless Quantas is not telling us somthing.

Crap dude, it's a total joke.

[shahani]

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on backorder.

[Toadman]

Those are from squawk sheets military pilots give the maintenance group after a flight.

[Creatures]

lol thx

Creatures

[Xeroid]

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.

S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

My dad said this always drove him nuts when he was an aircraft mech. in the Air Force.