The Talking Parrot (Joke)

[Gouki]

Talking Parrot


A man is browsing in a pet shop and sees a parrot sitting on a little perch. It doesn't have any feet or legs. The guy says loud, "I wonder what happened to this parrot?"

The parrot says, "I was born this way. I'm a defective parrot."

"Holy crap," the guy replies. "You actually understood and answered me!"

"I got every word," says the parrot. "I happen to be a highly
intelligent, thoroughly educated bird."

"Oh yeah?" the guy asks, "Then answer this: How do you hang onto your perch without any feet?"

"Well," the parrot says, "this is very embarrassing but since you asked, I wrap my 'willie' around this wooden bar like a little hook. You can't see it because of my feathers."

"Wow," says the guy. "You really can understand and speak English, can't you?"

"Actually, I speak both Spanish and English and I can converse with reasonable competence on almost any topic: politics, religion, sports, physics, philosophy. I'm especially good at ornithology. You really ought to buy me. I'd be a great companion."

The guy looks at the $200 price tag. "Sorry, but I just can't afford
that."

"Pssst" says the parrot, "I'm defective, so the truth is, nobody wants me 'cause I don't have any feet. You can probably get me for $20. Just make the guy an offer!"

The guy offers $20 and walks out with the parrot. Weeks go by. The parrot is sensational. He has a great sense of humor, he's interesting, he's a pal, he understands everything, he sympathizes, and he's insightful. The guy is delighted.

One day he comes home from work and the parrot goes "Psssst," and motions him over with one wing. "I don't know if I should tell you this or not, but it's about your wife and the postman."

"What are you talking about?" asks the guy.

"When the postman delivered mail today, your wife greeted him at the door in a sheer black nightie and kissed him passionately."

"What???" the guy asks incredulously. "Then what happened?"

"Well, then the postman came into the house and lifted up her nightie and began petting her all over," reported the parrot.

"My God!" he exclaims. "Then what?"

"Then he lifted up her nightie, got down on his knees and began to kiss her all over, starting with her breasts and slowly going down..."

"Well???" demands the frantic guy. "Then what happened!?!"

"Damned if I know, I got a hard-on and fell off my perch.

[SiliconJon]

[SiliconJon]

Have you heard about the man who owned a parrot that swore like a sailor? This parrot was so terrible, it could swear for five minutes straight without repeating itself. One day the man finally got tired of this parrot's horrible speech, and decided to do something about it.
He grabbed the parrot by the throat, shaked it really hard, and yelled, "QUIT IT!" every time the parrot said something ungodly. But this just made the parrot mad, and it swore more than ever.

Next the man tried locking the bird in a kitchen cabinet. This really aggravated the parrot, and it clawed and scratched furiously until the man finally let him out (upon which the bird released it's fury in a torrent of language so horrible it could never be repeated).

At that point, the man was so frustrated that he threw the parrot into the freezer. For the first few seconds the parrot made a terrible amount of noise in protest to this treatment, kicking, clawing, and thrashing about. But after a few moments it suddenly went very quiet.

As the silence grew longer the man started to think that the parrot may be hurt. After a couple minutes of silence, he became so worried that he opened up the freezer door. The parrot calmly climbed onto the man's outstretched arm and said, "Awfully sorry about the trouble I gave you. I'll do my best to improve my vocabulary from now on."

Of course, the man was astounded. He could not understand the transformation that had come over his unruly parrot. Then the parrot asked, "By the way, what did the chicken do?"

[Mike]

LOL nice.

[jmebonner]

LOL SJ

[tmx468]

2 Great jokes... nice ones guys!!

[Mickwish]

testing, testing....

...sorry about that, just testing.

Cheers
Mick

[muno]

I don't get the chicken thing?
-M

[tmx468]

Muno:

The Parrot is in the freezer as punishment for his language, and sees a frozen chicken (as you would have in a freezer). The parrott thinks this was a former pet, who did someting wrong and got a similar punishment - and so scares him into being good!

(Not as good when you explain it!!)

[shahani]