Pondering a promise ring....

[Timbob505]

Ok, here's another S.O. question for everyone.

I am leaving to start my boot camp for the Navy in about 3 weeks. I have been dating my girlfriend for almost 4 months now. We knew each other for a little more than a year before we started dating. I would say that we are serious, and I love her very much. She has helped me lose the 30 pounds that I had to lose to get into the Navy, and has been supportive of me in every way imagineable through a very long and difficult unemployment. Due to the fact that I don't have much money and we have only been dating for about 4 months, I am not ready to ask her to marry me. We both want to stay together, and I realize this more and more everyday. We don't see each other everyday, she goes to school and lives about 1 hour away, so we see each other 1-2 times a week.

So my question is...Should I get her a promise ring? One that means not really engaged, but more than a normal couple is what I am considering. I can only spend about $150-$200 US and there are rings out there that I can afford. Do people still do this though? Are Promise Rings for teenagers? At 22, her 21, am we too old for this? Does anyone know the rules for promise rings? Any help on this would be greatly appreciated. I am leaving for boot camp on January 16 and if I do this, I will give it to her the week I leave...I think....AAUUUGGHHHH This is getting stressful!!!


timbob

[ocit]

Go for it man, it sounds right. like you said youve been together only 4 months so a promise ring sounds perfect

[storm2k]

i know you have strong feelings for her, but that might not be a good idea... if she really loves you, she'll be waiting for you when you get back, ring or no ring. don't get yourself any more involved than you should be four months into something, know what i mean?

[Timbob505]

Wow....you both sound intelligent on opposite ends! I need more input!!! I agree with both of you in a way. I've got some time to make up my mind.....



Timbob

[storm2k]

well my ultimate advice is to do what you think is the right thing to do in your heart, because no matter what anyone here thinks, it's still your life and your call...

and trust me on what i said about if she loves you she'll still be there... i know a girl who's husband is in the navy, and she's the world's most faithful person to him, even when he's away for six months or more on assignment.

[Wizzard~Of~Ozz]

I'ld have to agree with Storm, If it is love, then she will still be there when you get back,

[U-96]

Whatever you decide, it must be classy. Something that shows that you really thought about her, good taste etc.

Last Christmas I wanted to buy my gf a diamond solitaire necklace. I looked around the high street jewelers, and sure they had loads of stuff, but the chains were cheap and the stones were dull in bad fittings.

I read up a bit on jewelry, learned what to look for in a stone and its fittings, and paid twice as much as I intended for half the carat size, from a specialist diamond jeweler.

But I have never seen a diamond like it. I glows with a fire in the light, that occurs with no other substance. The cheaper ones look like paste in comparison. Worse, in fact.

When she opened it, it took her breath away (and everyone elses in the room) - worth the price in itself.

I'm not saying that you have to blow a stack of money, but whatever you get, it must be built to last- physically and emotionally.

Otherwise, what the other wise ones have said above - money can't buy you love. But the sentiments behind it can

[edit: sorry, the above may come across as a little materialistic. It isn't. The thing I gave my gf that she cherishes most? A hand drawn Valentine card from four years ago. Cost: nothing. Go figure ]

[nunyadam]

food for thought.

http://www.ibride.com/ibride/meetings/rings/462.html


here's an odd way to get her the "promise ring"


http://www.tpr-online.com/index_frame.html

not quite what you wanted to know ,but I still found it interesting.


What Was a Betrothal Ring?

The betrothal ring, has for centuries symbolized the promise of a future together, sealed with the giving and accepting of a ring. The diamond engagement ring as we know it has been around since 1477, but other rings have been used throughout the centuries to mark engagements. Rings featuring gem stones were popular in the 18th and 19th centuries. Often, the first letter of the stones within the setting spelled out the name of the giver or a word, such as "dearest" (diamond, emerald, amethyst, ruby, epidote, sapphire, turquoise). There was also a ring known as the "Gimmal Ring". This three part ring had two clasped hands on it. During the engagement, one part was worn by the bride, one by the groom, and the third by a witness. It was reunited as the brides wedding ring, on the day of their marriage. Diamonds are the first choice among brides today for an engagement ring, because of their beauty and durability.


What Was Flouncing?

Flouncing was a special party held for an engaged couple to meet with friends of both families. This "flouncing" established a formal contract. If either changed his mind about the marriage, the other could lay claim to half of his, or her, property. Following a flouncing, the couple could no longer be seen with, or be found talking to, other suitors. In China, the betrothal was looked upon as a family obligation. If an engaged man died before the wedding, his intended bride was treated as his widow.

if i read that right it would be basicly an unwritten pre-nup.


This could be fun if you were the "old gent"

What was the Custom of Collecting?

In Finland, the bride-to-be was considered "snobbish" if she did not go door-to-door to receive her gifts in a pillowcase. Accompanying her, an elderly married man, carrying an umbrella (for shelter), came along and was given a drink at each door. Today, an umbrella is used as a decoration symbolizing "protection". This custom can be included very beautifully in your wedding by having your maids carry "parasols" to match your wedding colors.



except for the first link i can't find much about the tradition of the promise ring .


from my own point of view ,
To give a promise ring would be saying that you will date only her. that include's one night stand's,and prostitutes,etc,etc...
So if you feel that you want to make that sort of commitment to her go for it. (don't be suprised if one of you change's your mind though,and it very well could be you.)

as far as personal experience on the subject. I gave my wife of 13 year's a promise ring after we had dated for only 2 week's. We dated for 3 year's .

[pickel]

First , let me say, that your choice to join the Navy was a GOOD one. Wish I could take another Med cruise. To be young and rarin' to go!!! On the ring thing, I would get something inexpensive but meaningful. When I went to Europe , my girlfriend and I were Hot & heavy, but time away from eachother proved that imfatuation doesn't hold up over miles and time. If when you return things are as they were before you left, then shell a few bucks for a GOOD ring. Just my opinion

[vass0922]

Well I tend to have a bit of experience in the long distance thing...
My current wife is 700 miles away and we dated 700 miles distance between us for the past 2-1/2 years...

You may find several things...
1. Its damn hard especially when one or the other is going through hard times, and you wont be able to be there for each other due to distance (and I wasn't in any boot camp thats for sure!)
2. Sit and TALK to her before doing anything, I imagine you have but sit down and have a no BS talk tell her straight out how long you WILL be gone. There isn't any "I might be gone for 6 months for bootcamp" BS you WILL be gone...
3. If you do want to keep the relationship going over time/distance please do its not insurmountable, I mean if I can do it others can as well. Its going to be hard I wont BS you. You have to communicate however you can, that is 1000000% required!! Communication of any sort is the only thing that has kept me and my wife together over the years. We've made it through a lot of physical illness on her part, a mentally abusive ex LIVING with her at the time (yes he was an ex at the time long story)... not to mention extremely hard financial times... BUT WE MADE IT! that is my point. With communication we were able to make it through very hard times. If you do it, you will each learn not to take those moments together for granted, and will cherish any time together you can.

Point blank, if you want to do this prepare for heartache and pain. However, it can be worth it if she is truely the one for you and you for her. It will teach you alot about yourselves, since you will be essentially taking your relationship to another level many people never see. That level being completely non-physical and will then rely solely on communication and your hearts. It breaks many relationships, however for your sake I hope it does not.

It can be a wonderful thing, and I do cherish every moment I can get with my wife. I'm driving 15 hours in one day on Jan 1st (as I have many times) into Canada in the middle of winter to be with her... you do truely gain an extra appreciation for who your SO truely is.

We've found more about each other over the phone in the past 2 or so years than many find in a lifetime of living with each other.

This entirely depends on both of your mental strength, and truely how close you are in your heart. If you want to do this regardless of the ring I do hope you survive it as you will be rewarded. The ring is just a ring, although it can remind her of the relationship its the heart that counts...

*phew* long speech
sorry for the lecture!!


I think I rambled a bit
Did that make any sense at all!?!?!? LOL

--- edit ---
is it just me or is it hard to see the MAD guy staring at you while reading something serious? lol