countdown for a Texan ;)

[draboo]

found at Radioshacksucks.com..

THE TOP 30 THINGS THAT YOU WILL NEVER HEAR A TEXAS BOY SAY:
30. Oh I just couldn't, she's only sixteen.
29. I'll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex.
28. Duct tape won't fix that.
27. Come to think of it, I'll have a Heineken.
26. We don't keep firearms in this house.
25. You can't feed that to the dog.
24. No kids in the back of the pickup, it's just not safe.
23. Wrestling is fake.
22. We're vegetarians.
21. Do you think my gut is too big?
20. I'll have grapefruit and grapes instead of biscuits and gravy.
19. Honey, we don't need another dog.
18. Who gives a **** who won the Civil War?
17. Give me the SMALL bag of pork rinds.
16. Too many deer heads detract from the decor
15. I just couldn't find a thing at Wal-Mart today.
14. Trim the fat off that steak.
13 Cappuccino tastes better than espresso.
12. The tires on that truck are too big.
11. I've got it all on the C: drive.
10. Unsweetened tea tastes better.
9. My fiancee, Bobbie Jo, is registered at Tiffany's.
8. I've got two cases of Zima for the Super Bowl.
7. Checkmate.
6. She's too young to be wearing a bikini.
5. I need to check my e-mail.
4. I don't have a favorite college team.
3. You All.
2. Those shorts ought to be a little longer, Betty Mae.

AND NUMBER ONE THING THAT YOU WILL NEVER HEAR A TEXAS BOY SAY:
1. Nope, no more for me. I'm driving,

[originel]

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!


OMG that is SOOOO TRUUUEEE!!!!

i actually laughed out loud on that one!!

27. Come to think of it, I'll have a Heineken.

i tried heineken once (someone left it in my fridge) and the first thought that came to my head was "did they water this down?" and then "man i wished i'd gone for that shiner instead"

28. Duct tape won't fix that.

this actually isn't entirely true...the real saying is "if it moves and shouldn't, use duct tape. if it doesn't move and should, use WD-40." But for 90% of everything duct tape will fix it (the other 10% being WD-40 of course)

30. Oh I just couldn't, she's only sixteen.

never done that before...she was actually 15.

4. I don't have a favorite college team.

i'm one of the exceptions...but only cause i actually go to one of the colleges

15. I just couldn't find a thing at Wal-Mart today.

we actually go to wally world (as we call it) when we're bored!

[HuntinGalnMO]

A Texan and his wife were on a trip to New York.

She had just finished showering to dress for dinner and noticed that she had neglected to pack her bras. She asked her husband to go down to the dress shop in the lobby and pick up a couple of 36-C bras.

He said, "Ah'l go down raht now." So he put on his ten gallon hat and went to the shop.

The saleslady said, "May I help you sir?"

When he told her that he wanted two 36-C bras, she asked, "Would you like two Playtex?"

He answered, "Ah'd luv ta little lady but mah wife's a'waitin fur me up in the room."

[Rand Dusing]

This just shows how ignorant people are towards Texans, and yes I live in Texas.

[originel]

i dunno dusing...i live in texas too and this fits a lot of people in texas. besides...it's just a joke poking fun at the stereotype...it's not like we don't do the same thing all the time with other states/countries/etc.

[desmocat]

At least we dont paaak tha caaah in da yaaaahd !

[desmocat]

Well, come to think of it, we might, but it'll be up on blocks..
along with the fridge and the stove that quit workin back in 72...

YEE HAW !

[M_Six]

What's wrong with pah-king the cah? Just 'cuz youz hicks cain't hardly speak English good...

What drives me nuts is when I tell people my name (Mark) and they go right ahead and call me Mike. Happens at least three times every day at work. Like I'm saying Mike with a reeeeeellly bad southern drawl. Haaa, I'm Ma-a-a-a-h-h-k. Gimme a break

Ten Things You'll Never Hear an Illinois Boy Say:

10. Surf's up today.
9. Think that fire's getting out of hand?
8. I doused the fire and made sure it was out.
7. Don't you think 5:30AM is a tad early for mowing the lawn?
6. Maybe we should check the building codes first.
5. Hmm, it's getting late. Better turn the stereo down.
4. Wow, nice new pavement.
3. I'd never fly below 500ft. It might bother the neighbors.
2. How do they pay for all these services with such low taxes?

And the number one thing you'll never here an Illinois boy say....

1. Nice quiet pickup truck ya got there.

[Kuasimodem]

Originally posted by originel
i dunno dusing...i live in texas too and this fits a lot of people in texas. besides...it's just a joke poking fun at the stereotype...it's not like we don't do the same thing all the time with other states/countries/etc.

Yep, I'm from Wisconsin, lived here most of my life (except Navy duty), and this is one of my favorite jokes. That's because it's all pretty much true!

--------------------------

From the Wisconsin Tourism Department.

This list of rules will be handed to each person as they enter the state.

1. That slope-shouldered farm boy you are snickering at did more work before breakfast than you will do all week at the gym. How'd you like to go home and tell your momma you got your butt kicked by a big guy in bib overalls?

2. It's called a "gravel road." No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your BMW. I have a four wheel drive because I need it. Now drive or get it out of the way.

3. We all started hunting and fishing when we were nine years old. Yeah, we saw Bambi. We got over it.

4. Any references to "corn fed" when talking about our women will get your butt kicked...by our women.

5. Pull your pants up, and turn your hat around. You look like an idiot.

6. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of mallards are making their final approach, we will shoot it. You might hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.

7. No, there's no "Vegetarian Special" on the menu. Order steak. Order it rare. Or, you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the two pounds of ham and turkey.

8. Yeah, we have sweet tea. It comes in a glass with two packets of sugar and a long spoon.

9. You bring Coke into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served over ice.

10. So you have a sixty thousand dollar car. We're real impressed. We have quarter-million dollar combines that we use two weeks a year.

11. Let's get this straight. We may have one stoplight in town. We stop when it's red. We may even stop when it's yellow.

12. Our women hunt, fish, and drive trucks-because they want to. So, you're a feminist. Isn't that cute.

13. Yeah, we eat catfish, Northern, walleye and turtle too. If you really want sushi and caviar, it's available at the bait shop.

14. They are pigs and cows. That's what they smell like. Get over it. Don't like it? Interstate 90 & Interstate 94 go two ways....get on one of them.

15. The "Opener" refers to the first days of fishing and deer season. They are religious holidays. You can get breakfast at the church.

16. So what if every person in every pick-up waves? It's called being friendly. Understand the concept?

17. Yeah, we have golf courses. Don't hit in the water hazards. It spooks the fish.