This is pretty old but deserves another look:
Feel free to use any of these the next time your'e late for work.
1) If it is all the same to you, I won't be coming in to work. The voices told me to clean all the guns today.
2) When I got up this morning, I took two Ex-Lax in addition to my Prozac. I can't get off the john, but I feel good about it.
3) I can't come in to work today because I'll be stalking my previous boss, who fired me for not showing up for work. OK?
4) The psychiatrist said it was an excellent session. He even gave me this jaw restraint so I won't bite things when I am startled.
5) I set half the clocks in my house ahead an hour and the other half back an hour Saturday, and spent 18 hours in some kind of space-time continuum loop, reliving Sunday (right up until the explosion). I was able to exit the loop only by reversing the polarity of the power source exactly e*log(pi) clocks in the house while simultaneously rapping my dog on the snout with a rolled up Times. Accordingly, I will be in late, or early.
6) I have a rare case of 48-hour projectile leprosy, but I know we have that deadline to meet...
7) I am stuck in the blood pressure machine down at Wal-Mart.
Linear Mode
