What if your fiance asked for a prenup?

[ablang]

What if your fiance asked for a prenup during the wedding planning? What is
your thinking towards that and how would you react?

I'm trying to see how many men or women think this is a practical idea, considering 50% of marriages divorce, 57% in CA.

[daveleau]

No.

Marriage is based on trust. If you start out not trusting each other, then you shouldn't be getting married. My ideas on marriage are that it is for life, period. You should not plan for divorce before the marriage begins. I don't care if you are Bill Gates or Oprah Winfred (the richest people of both sexes I could think of.) If there are problems in my marriage or anyone who asks me for advice, my blanket answer is to work them out. That includes cheating and everything short of physical abuse. Physical abuse is the only reason I see for divorce, afaiac. Problems of incompatibility, IMO, should be worked out before the marriage. That is easier said than done, especially since I don't believe in living together before marriage. I guess this is why it took me until age 28 to even contemplate marriage, and then, I was blessed with my soul mate with whom I have never had a serious argument in 3, going on 4 years of being together.

Now with all of those who are divorced and those who have co-habitated before marriage, my above statements are my own standards, and I am not trying to force them on anyone. To each his own, and live and let live. Because I set these standards for myself, does not mean I think any less of anyone who has different situations and standards for themselves.

[M_Six]

Nothing wrong with prenups. If you can't survive that, you shouldn't be getting married. Prenups can save lots of headaches and heartaches later. If you figure it all out ahead of time when you're still in love, it's a lot nicer than having to figure it all out when you don't really like each other any more.

[thekingofpain]

Depends entirely on what she has in mind---
I wouldnt be against something reasonable especially if she was bringing alot to the table she would want to protect from an unforeseen situation...

[ShawnD1]

I wouldn't get married without one. You never really know the person you are with until there is money involved. When you are dating and engaged, it's all fun and games with no money involved and everybody is happy. Most marital stress is due to money problems which can lead you to the conclusion that at least one of the people in that marriage is a financial liability. If you are financialy responsible you will want a prenup to save your assets. The people who get offended by prenups are the ones who have nothing or are a financial liabilty.

[M_Six]

The most important thing about a prenup is to be happy with it. If you're not happy about the way it's written, DON"T SIGN IT. Again, if you can't come to an agreement when love is all roses and smiles, you'll never be able to come to an agreement if/when it turns sour.

[pickel]

Why not have a marraige contract like a lease.... from month to month or year to year. If the relationship goes south just don't renew..over and out !

[ShawnD1]

Pickel, I wish it was that simple. That would be possible only if the prenup could effectively decide
1. who got kids
2. what any future alimony would be (if any)

[M_Six]

Stellar idea, pickel. I've thought about that myself. Why not sign a 7-year renewable contract? First one to break it before the seven years loses all.

EDIT: Issues such as kids should be included as clauses. There'd be a kid clause, an alimony clause, a house clause, etc.

[SeanC]

First off I think you need to have a good hard talk with her about this. Why she feels that a pre-nup is needed in the first place. A pre-nup is all about trust to me.

If she don't trust you enough with her monetary possessions how can she possibly trust you enough to marry her?

To me, marriage is the ultimate trust. You must have ultimiate trust in your potential mate because will be your wife/husband and the mother/father of any children you have with them. That is more important then money to me.

Sean