Lets try this again
http://home.dal.net/shrub/Adequacy_o...r%20Hacker.htm
if the link doesnt work, try a copy and paste... if that doesnt work, here is the little diddy:
As an enlightened, modern parent, I try to be as involved as possible in the lives of my six children. I encourage them to join team sports. I attend their teen parties with them to ensure no
drinking or alcohol is on the premises. I keep a fatherly eye on the CDs they listen to and the shows they watch, the company they keep and the books they read. You could say I'm a model parent. My children have never failed to make me proud, and I can say without the slightest embellishment that I have the finest family in the USA. Two years ago, my wife Carol and I decided that our children's education would not be complete without some grounding in modern computers. To this end, we bought our children a brand new Compaq to learn with. The kids had a lot of fun using the handful of application programs we'd bought, such as Adobe's Photoshop and Microsoft's Word, and my wife and I were pleased that our gift was received so well. Our son Peter was most entranced by the device, and became quite a pro at surfing the net. When Peter began to spend whole days on the machine, I became concerned, but Carol advised me to calm down, and that it was only a passing phase. I was content to bow to her experience as a mother, until our youngest daughter, Cindy, charged into the living room one night to blurt out that "Peter is a computer hacker!"
As you can imagine, I was amazed. A computer hacker in my own house! I began to monitor my son's habits, to make certain that Cindy wasn't just telling stories, as she is prone to doing at times.
After a few days of investigation, and some research into computer hacking, I confronted Peter with the evidence. I'm afraid
to say, this was the only time I have ever been truly disappointed
in one of my children. We raised them to be honest and to have integrity, and Peter betrayed the principles we tried to encourage in him, when he refused point blank to admit to his activities. His denials continued for hours, and in the end, I was left with no choice but to ban him from using the computer until he is old enough to be responsible for his actions. After going through this ordeal with my own family, I was left pondering how I could best help others in similar situations. I'd gained a lot of knowledge over those few days regarding hackers. It's only right that I provide that information to other parents, in
the hope that they will be able to tell if their children are being drawn into the world of hacking. Perhaps other parents will be able
to steer their sons back onto the straight and narrow before extreme
measures need to be employed.
To this end, I have decided to publish the top ten signs that
your son is a hacker. I advise any parents to read this list
carefully and if their son matches the profile, they should take
action. A smart parent will first try to reason with their son, before resorting to groundings, or even spanking. I pride myself that I
have never had to spank a child, and I hope this guide will help
other parents to put a halt to their son's misbehaviour before a
spanking becomes necessary.
1. Has your son asked you to change ISPs?
Most American families use trusted and responsible Internet
Service Providers, such as AOL.
These providers have a strict "No Hacking" policy, and take careful measures to ensure that your internet experience is enjoyable,
educational and above all legal. If your child is becoming a hacker,
one of his first steps will be to request a change to a more hacker friendly provider.
I would advise all parents to refuse this request. One of the
reasons your son is interested in switching providers is to get away
from AOL's child safety filter.
This filter is vital to any parent who wants their son to enjoy the
internet without the endangering him through exposure to "adult"
content. It is best to stick with the protection AOL provides, rather than using a home-based solution. If your
son is becoming a hacker, he will be able to circumvent any
home-based measures with surprising ease, using information gleaned
from various hacker sites.
2. Are you finding programs on your computer that you don't
remember installing?
Your son will probably try to install some hacker software. He
may attempt to conceal the presence of the software in some way, but
you can usually find any new programs by reading through the
programs listed under "Install/Remove Programs" in your control panel.
Popular hacker software includes "Comet Cursor", "Bonzi Buddy" and
"Flash".
The best option is to confront your son with the evidence, and
force him to remove the offending programs. He will probably try to
install the software again, but you will be able to tell that this
is happening, if your machine offers to "download" one of the hacker
applications. If this happens, it is time to give your son a stern
talking to, and possibly consider punishing him with a grounding.
3. Has your child asked for new hardware?
Computer hackers are often limited by conventional computer
hardware. They may request "faster"
video cards, and larger hard drives, or even more memory. If your son starts requesting these devices, it is possible that he has
a legitimate need. You can best ensure that you are buying legal,
trustworthy hardware by only buying replacement parts from your
computer's manufacturer.
If your son has requested a new "processor" from a company called
"AMD", this is genuine cause for
alarm. AMD is a third-world based
company who make inferior, "knock-off" copies of American processor chips. They use
child labor extensively in their third world sweatshops, and they
deliberately disable the security features that American processor
makers, such as Intel, use to
prevent hacking. AMD chips are
never sold in stores, and you will most likely be told that you have to order them from internet sites. Do not buy this chip! This is one
request that you must refuse your son, if you are to have any hope
of raising him well.
4. Does your child read hacking manuals?
If you pay close attention to your son's reading habits, as I do,
you will be able to determine a great deal about his opinions and
hobbies. Children are at their most impressionable in the teenage
years. Any father who has had a seventeen year old
daughter attempt to sneak out on a date wearing make up and
perfume is well aware of the effect that improper influences can
have on inexperienced minds.
There are, unfortunately, many hacking manuals available in
bookshops today. A few titles to be on the lookout for are: "Snow
Crash" and "Cryptonomicon" by Neal Stephenson; "Neuromancer" by
William Gibson; "Programming with Perl" by Timothy O'Reilly; "Geeks"
by Jon Katz; "The Hacker Crackdown" by Bruce Sterling; "Microserfs"
by Douglas Coupland; "Hackers" by Steven Levy; and "The Cathedral and the Bazaar" by Eric S. Raymond.
If you find any of these hacking manuals in your child's
possession, confiscate them immediately. You should also petition
local booksellers to remove these titles from their shelves. You may
meet with some resistance at first, but even booksellers have to bow
to community pressure.
5. How much time does your child spend using the computer each
day?
If your son spends more than thirty minutes each day on the
computer, he may be using it to DOS other peoples sites. DOSing
involves gaining access to the "command prompt" on other people's
machines, and using it to tie up vital internet services. This
can take up to eight hours. If your son is doing this, he is
breaking the law,
and you should stop him immediately. The safest policy is to limit
your children's access to the computer to a maximum of forty-five
minutes each day.
6. Does your son use Quake?
Quake is an online virtual reality used by hackers. It is a
popular meeting place and training ground, where they discuss
hacking and train in the use of various firearms. Many hackers
develop anti-social tendencies due to the use of this virtual world,
and it may cause erratic behaviour at home and at school.
If your son is using Quake, you should make hime understand that
this is not acceptable to you. You should ensure all the firearms in
your house are carefully locked away, and have trigger locks installed. You should also bring your concerns to the attention of
his school.
7. Is your son becoming argumentative and surly in his social
behaviour?
As a child enters the electronic world of hacking, he may become
disaffected with the real world. He may lose the ability to control
his actions, or judge the rightness or wrongness of a course of
behaviour. This will manifest itself soonest in the way he treats
others. Those whom he disagrees with will be met with scorn,
bitterness, and even foul language. He may utter threats of violence
of a real or electronic nature.
Even when confronted, your son will probably find it difficult to
talk about this problem to you. He will probably claim that there is
no problem, and that you are imagining things. He may tell you that
it is you who has the problem, and you should "back off" and "stop
smothering him." Do not allow yourself to be deceived. You are the
only chance your son has, even if he doesn't understand the situation he is in. Keep trying to get through to him, no matter how
much he retreats into himself.
8. Is your son obsessed with "Lunix"?
BSD, Lunix, Debian and Mandrake are all versions of an
illegal hacker operation system,
invented by a Soviet computer
hacker named Linyos Torovoltos, before the Russians lost the
Cold War. It is based on a program called "xenix", which was written by Microsoft for the US government. These programs are
used by hackers to break into other people's computer systems to
steal credit card numbers. They may also be used to break into
people's stereos to steal their music, using the "mp3" program.
Torovoltos is a notorious hacker, responsible for writing many hacker programs, such as "telnet", which is used by hackers to
connect to machines on the internet without using a telephone.
Your son may try to install "lunix" on your hard drive. If he is
careful, you may not notice its presence, however, lunix is a capricious beast, and if
handled incorrectly, your son may damage your computer, and even
break it completely by deleting Windows, at which point you will
have to have your computer repaired by a professional.
If you see the word "LILO" during your windows startup (just
after you turn the machine on), your son has installed lunix. In order to get rid of it,
you will have to send your computer back to the manufacturer, and
have them fit a new hard drive. Lunix is extremely dangerous
software, and cannot be removed without destroying part of your hard
disk surface.
9. Has your son radically changed his appearance?
If your son has undergone a sudden change in his style of dress,
you may have a hacker on your hands. Hackers tend to dress in bright, day-glo colors. They may wear baggy pants,
bright colored shirts and spiky hair dyed in bright colors to match
their clothes. They may take to carrying "glow-sticks" and some
wear pacifiers around their necks. (I have no idea why they do this) There are many such hackers in schools today, and your son may have started to
associate with them. If you notice that your son's group of friends
includes people dressed like this, it is time to think about a
severe curfew, to protect him from dangerous influences.
10. Is your son struggling academically?
If your son is failing courses in school, or performing poorly on
sports teams, he may be involved in a hacking group, such as the
infamous "Otaku"
hacker association. Excessive time spent on the computer,
communicating with his fellow hackers may cause temporary damage to
the eyes and brain, from the electromagnetic radiation. This will
cause his marks to slip dramatically, particularly in difficult
subjects such as Math, and Chemistry. In extreme cases, over-exposure to computer
radiation can cause schizophrenia, meningitis and other
psychological diseases. Also, the reduction in exercise may cause
him to lose muscle mass, and even to start gaining weight. For the
sake of your child's mental and physical health, you must put a stop
to his hacking, and limit his computer time drastically.
I encourage all parents to read through this guide carefully.
Your child's future may depend upon it. Hacking is an illegal and
dangerous activity, that may land your child in prison,
and tear your family apart. It cannot be taken too
seriously.
< George
Harrison Dead: The World Mourns (65 comments)
if the link doesnt work, sorry... half the fun is reading the responses to it from people who didnt get it... hehe. Let me know if ya want what it is a parody to.
Mortis
Linear Mode
