What could/should I have done?

[mAdMaLuDaWg]

It all started today morning... I was in a rather good mood coz I just got a call from my folks that my sister is getting married soon, so I get out of the door in a rush coz I was late.. and then I see this lady standing outside with bare feet. She asks me if she could use my phone, I was sorta annoyed coz I was in a rush and I thought that she locked herself out of the apartment and needed to call the apt manager to open it(it happends to me all the time ). Before I could hand her my phone, she says that her husband beat her and she was almost in tears. I hurry up and take the phone out of my pocket and hand it to her. She tells me she is going to call her sister. I'm freaking out coz I'm standing like right next to the door of her apartment. So she calls her sister and says something in some African language ... I could hear the word police... anyway, she asks me if she could take the phone to her husband, I say ok.. she rings the doorbell a couple of times and finally the dude opens and two kids are on the floor crying (possibly coz they saw what happend)... so the husband looks at her angrly and tells me to take the phone back... I didn't want to ask him about it coz the dude was huge and I'm , well, really skinny. So I take the phone back and he shuts the door again. I ask the lady if I should call the police, she says no its ok since her sister is coming. I persist and I ask her, are you sure? She repeats no... I ask again... and still no. So I'm wondering what to do, and she just opens the door and goes back in... I stand there dumbfounded and wait around a corner just in case she runs back out. Nothing seemed to happend. Now, I get a call from work saying that the servers crashed coz the power went out and I need to come there right away... so I was thinking of calling the Cops, but she told me her sister would be there. So I just went to work. I'm feeling pretty shitty coz of what I just did or failed to do. From the tone of her voice it sounds like this happends quite often and she never calls the cops, should I report it or no?

[swamp-fox]

If you saw some abuse call the police dude. What if you come home and their apartment is roped off with yellow crime scene tape?? You'll never forget about it. What if I woulda just called will be in your mind forever.

swamp

[Bill in SD, CA]

Report by all means!

Bill

[mAdMaLuDaWg]

I didn't see any abuse.... she talked with her sister on the phone and she promised me everything is alright... I think her sister is in a better position to call the cops.. right?

[mAdMaLuDaWg]

Why the hell did she go back in???

[mAdMaLuDaWg]

I'm going back home

[caddmannq]

She said that her husband beat her?

I would call the cops and tell them that she said that, and you suspect that it might be true.

Let them take it from there.

[Ed_S]

Calling is definately the correct moral thing to do - but just a sec, let's look at reality.

> She went back in with him. That's the kicker. Also, she refused assistance. Most likely she'd deny anything happened if the police become involved.

> You didn't mention any visable injury, if so then you've only her word that he "beat her" - and what does she mean anyway? Did he physically abuse her, or win a game of cards?

> If you call, they'll both know who did it & then they've got a common foe - YOU.
Actually, that might be a big help to her. He'll have someone else to take out his frustrations on...


My advise - if the kids appear to be in ANY danger, CALL!!
But the cold hard fact is that you cannot help an adult that doesn't want to be helped. Neither can the police.

[caddmannq]

Ed's got a good point there. She was crying, but she wasn't scared to death of him.

Nowadays, you smack a woman one time & she claims that you "beat her". You can make 'em cry just by taking away the remote.

It's hard to make these kinds of decisions without having been there and felt out the situation.

But if someone has to call Child Protective Services (or whatever you got in Jersey) it'd be better if it was the cops.

[mAdMaLuDaWg]

Ok Update:
I went back home because of what swamp-fox said. I went back, and no yellow tape or police cars. I rang the door bell, the dude opened and said everything is ok.
I talked about this with a couple of folks at work, and they said these things happend. I mean, I could remember a couple of times when I was a kid, where my dad got into a heated argument with my dad and slightly tapped her on the head. Nothing too serious, but my mom was upset and crying. I'm thinking the same thing happend to her and she just came out.
Anyway, IMO it was a real good call not to call the police because it woulda made a bigger mess which my coworkers agreed with.
The reason why I didn't call the police is because she went right back in, and the fact that she attempted to hand the phone to her husband. Besides her sister was coming and knew the situation better than I did and would have called the police. Also, she was a lady who doesn't know English very well so its possible she could have exaggerated/mis communicated the whole thing. The dude wasn't in a fit of rage as far as I could tell. Anwyay, because of traffic I had to drive straight to college and didn't get time to post back with an update as I din't have access to a terminal.