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To Maface and all new Ultimate Members...
Memo........................................4/29/2003
To: All recent Ultimate members
Re: Privledges and Responsibilities
Dear Ultimates,
In view of the recent spate of members acheiving Ultimate Member Status, it has come to my attention that a few items of importance are slipping through the cracks. Please pay particular attention to your new responsibilities and on-line behaviour, as we want to set a positive image for all the Newbies: one befitting the status of a TIMO Ultimate.
1. Be proud of your Ultimate Member Status, and defend it with honor against all implications of "lameness" from members of other forums whose standards of conduct may be less than humanoid in their execution.
2. Always keep your Ultimate Member badge shining and free from corrosion, pizza stains and splatters of heatsink compound. (Actually, a very thin coating of Arctic Silver will help prevent corrossion, as this last batch was made from leftover Volcano heatsinks that we melted down, and they have a distinct tendancy to tarnish, particularly if you spend your entire day leaning over a liquid-cooled system.)
3. NEVER refer to the new members as n00bs, Lamers, bungholes, or Flame Magnets. Doing so will only diminish the status of all Ultimates in the eyes of these pitiful wannabeegeeks, and will make it only more difficult to extort...errr...collect their weekly dues in a timely fashion.
4. Avoid trying to convince new members that Klez.h is a "gotta-have freeware utility" that no real member would be without. Same goes for any malware.
5. While attending the Ultimate Member's Skeet Club, always remember that what goes up must come down. Try not to aim directly over the heads of new members, as they are buzy collecting all the jagged shards, and might not have time to dodge effectively. Three were pelted with birdshot last week, and will not be able to perform their duties on the Ultimate Member's Skeet Club Kitchen & Dumpster Sanitation Brigade untill they are fully healed.
6. It is NOT considered in good taste to swap another Ultimate Member's Executive Washroom Keycard/Passcard for a Yugi trading card with a shirt clip attached. I know they look similar, but one will not substitute for the other, and there was a lot of offensive cursing and whining in the hall just outside the Ultimate Member's Executive Washroom when this deception was discovered at an inopportune moment.
7. The CRIMINAL who slipped Chocolated Ex-Lax into the Ultimate Member's Executive Coffee Lounge Mocha-Cappucino-Late machine, once we catch him/her, will be BANNED FOR LIFE right after he/she is released from the electrified chain-link fence behind the Newbie Member's Vomitorium, durring the finals of the Newbie Member's Camel Chip Chucking Contest and Home-Brew Beer Barrel Social. Extra member points to the Newbie Chip Chucker with the most accurate arm. Please do not adjust the pre-set voltage of the fence transformer, as we would not wish the contest to end prematurely.
8. Whoever borrowed my Official Bill Gates Dartboard, and covered it with a picture of Saddam Hussein is hereby admonished for using camel dung as an adhesive. My entire office smells like a stockyard now, it's still raining too hard to open the windows, and my new dart board is on back-order from Slash-Dot for at least five weeks.
Sincerely,
CaddmannQ
Techimo Director of Newbie Hostility Abatement
and Ultimate Member Services Liasson
Last edited by caddmannq; 04-29-2003 at 07:34 PM.
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