Thanks to
RK from
Rom2's board.
Axis of Evil Wannabees
by Andrew Marlatt
Bitter after being snubbed for membership in the "Axis
of Evil" club, Libya, China and Syria today announced
that they had formed the "Axis of Just as Evil", which
they said would be more evil than that stupid
Iran-Iraq-North Korea axis President Bush warned of in
his State of the Union address. Axis of Evil members,
however, immediately dismissed the new Axis as having,
for starters, a really dumb name. "Right! They are
just as evil . . . in their dreams!" declared North
Korean leader Kim Jong-Il. "Everybody knows we're the
best evils . . . best at being evil . . . we're the
best."
Diplomats from Syria denied they were jealous over
being excluded, although they conceded they did ask if
they could join the original Axis of Evil. "They told
us it was full," said Syrian President Bashar
al-Assad. "An axis can't have more than three
countries," explained Iraqi President Saddam Hussein.
"This is not my rule, it's tradition. In World War II
you had Germany, Italy, and Japan in the old evil
Axis. So, you can only have three, and a secret
handshake. Ours is wickedly cool."
International reaction to Bush's Axis of Evil
declaration was swift, as within minutes, France
surrendered.
Elsewhere, peer-conscious nations rushed
to gain triumvirate status in what has become a game
of geopolitical chairs. Cuba, Sudan and Serbia
announced that they had formed the "Axis of Somewhat
Evil," forcing Somalia to join with Uganda and Myanmar
in the "Axis of Occasionally Evil," while Bulgaria,
Indonesia and Russia established the "Axis of Not So
Much Evil Really as Just Generally Disagreeable."
With the criteria suddenly expanded and all the
desirable clubs filling up, Sierra Leone, El Salvador,
and Rwanda applied to be called the "Axis of Countries
That Aren't the Worst But Certainly Won't Be Asked to
Host the Olympics". Canada, Mexico and Australia
formed the "Axis of Nations That Are Actually Quite
Nice But Secretly Have Some Nasty Thoughts About
America", while Scotland, New Zealand and Spain
established the "Axis of Countries That Want Sheep to
Wear Lipstick." "That's not a threat, really, just
something we like to do," said Scottish Executive
First Minister Jack McConnell.
While wondering if the other nations of the world
weren't perhaps making fun of him, a cautious Bush
granted approval for most axes, although he rejected
the establishment of the "Axis of Countries Whose
Names End in 'Guay'", accusing one of its members of
filing a false application. Officials from Paraguay,
Uruguay, and Chadguay denied the charges.
Israel, meanwhile, insisted it didn't want to join any
Axis, but privately world leaders said that's only
because no one asked them.
Linear Mode
