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MDS · 04-08-2003, 07:42 PM

My ex-wife whom I have a child with in which I have custody of showed up after no contact with my daughter in almost 3yrs. I was not home at the time when she first got here but she convinced my current wife to let her take her for an hour to see her. I wasn't upset as she is still my child's so-called mother. But when she returned she started her normal trying to start a fight, so I did as I always do and just played it down. But she kept going and I asked all of the kids that were down stairs at the time to go upstairs so they wouldn't have to she the way she was acting. Well she never had any overnight visitation due to her track record of the things she does(Heavy drinker & Drugs at times) but she didn't even bother with the daytime visit the court gave her 2 days a week. Now she wants to take he every other weekend out of town(she lives 50miles away now) until school gets out and then maybe more. I would not agree to the overnight visits as her prior record but offered to let her see her on the weekend during the days. That was not good enough as she started yelling and would not leave. I then called the police to see if they could get her to leave as I knew by then the kids could hear her and were getting upset. She has 3 warrants for her arrest so she left quickly after that, only to have the police stop her 3 blks away. I don't know if they took her in or not but they did say that they would take to her about the way she was acting. Now after all was done my daughter spent the next 2 hrs crying on and off so me and her sat down and talked. I don't say negative things to her about my ex(her mother) and she already learned by experience by the way her mom always lies to her and treats her like trash. My family now has been the greatest joy of my life as my daughter calls my current wife mom as do my step kids call me dad. My daughter has decided on her own to call her real mom by her name not mom and no one ever told her to do that she just picked it up. Now my ? is how would of you handled this and was I wrong to call the cops to get her out of my house as she upset all the kids.

cracked · 04-08-2003, 07:45 PM

i think you did the right thing.

drew

04-08-2003, 07:57 PM

Sounds to me you did the best thing under the circumstances, MDS.

The BEST part of it is you didn't lose your cool. So easy to do.

It's never easy when kids are involved. How is your dau handling it now? Must be hard for her. How old is your dau? Maybe she needs to be a big part of the overall decision, depending on her age and maturity.

Mick

Xeroid · 04-08-2003, 07:58 PM

Sounds like you did very well. Better than I would have handled it. Can you spell G-E-T-A-L-A-W-Y-E-R ?

Mike

Angela · 04-08-2003, 08:03 PM

What a sad situation!!

I don't think you did the wrong thing. The most important things your daughter needs to realize (imo) are a) the way her biological mother acts is not her (you daughter's) fault in any way, b) she (again your daughter) is not responsible for protecting her biological mother, and c) she is not destined to grow up to be like her biological mother, but can make her own choices.

It sounds to me like you're handling things really well.

edited for grammar

MDS · 04-08-2003, 08:04 PM

mickwish she is 6 yrs old and will be 7 in July. She told me tonight that she hates how her Melissa(mom) lies to her and yells all the time.

Xeroid I always have a good attorney on retainer for personal things and business, and he is one of the best know in the area.

04-08-2003, 08:10 PM

Sounds and looks like she's growing up, MDS.

Angela's advice is spot on. Your dau needs to understand those things, otherwise she could get real confused about who she is.

But you are also very right in not turning your dau against your ex, or running your ex down in front of your dau. That might make her feel like she has to "choose" between the two of you, and that can get very messy.

I take it your current wife has a good relationship with your dau as well? Do they talk much, girl-like? Maybe some outings together might let the conversations freely flow.

Cheers
Mick