Biggest IDIOT in the world: my vote goes for this guy.

[Szech]

This article: Is your son a computer hackor? was written by, arguably, the biggest idiot on this planet.

Here's a sample of what he has to say:

If your son has requested a new "processor" from a company called "AMD", this is genuine cause for alarm. AMD is a third-world based company who make inferior, "knock-off" copies of American processor chips. They use child labor extensively in their third world sweatshops, and they deliberately disable the security features that American processor makers, such as Intel, use to prevent hacking. AMD chips are never sold in stores, and you will most likely be told that you have to order them from internet sites. Do not buy this chip! This is one request that you must refuse your son, if you are to have any hope of raising him well.

Read the article. Trust me it gets better .

Wish I could nominate him for the Darwin awards. Maybe if he dies of humiliation

[Thud]

http://www.techimo.com/forum/t5868.html

There's also a link in that thread to another one on the same subject.

Also, I've noticed that some folks seem to be taking it seriously. It's a joke!

[jadison]

Oh MY ***
YOU"VE GOT TO BE KIDDING!!!

<QUOTE>8. Is your son obsessed with "Lunix"?
BSD, Lunix, Debian and Mandrake are all versions of an illegal hacker operation system, invented by a Soviet computer hacker named Linyos Torovoltos, before the Russians lost the Cold War. It is based on a program called "xenix", which was written by Microsoft for the US government. These programs are used by hackers to break into other people's computer systems to steal credit card numbers. They may also be used to break into people's stereos to steal their music, using the "mp3" program. Torovoltos is a notorious hacker, responsible for writing many hacker programs, such as "telnet", which is used by hackers to connect to machines on the internet without using a telephone.
<QUOTE>
This guy needs to start taking his medicine again...I think he;s lost it!!

<QUOTE>If your son has undergone a sudden change in his style of dress, you may have a hacker on your hands. Hackers tend to dress in bright, day-glo colors. They may wear baggy pants, bright colored shirts and spiky hair dyed in bright colors to match their clothes. They may take to carrying "glow-sticks" and some wear pacifiers around their necks.<QUOTE>

Being a hacker has nothing to do, or little to do with the way they dress...do YOU live in a box or what!!!

<QUOTE>Is your son becoming argumentative and surly in his social behaviour? <QUOTE>

ANd how do u make the connection between this and being a hacker!!

This guy needs a REAL wake-up call, or go to the doctor for an examination!

<QUOTE from a reply!>
I don't know why everyone is getting so upset by this article. It is obvious this is meant as a joke or maybe just to inflame people. No one could possibly be this ignorant, especially if they did any amount of research on the topics discussed.

Well, the comments I posted were in reaction to the joke itself, I don't take what he said seriously, as i agree no one could be this ignorant, and if they are...well they need to schedule an appt. with the doctor!

-=jd=-

[JacobM5727]

that is one sick idiot
but...... it would explain why amd's are so inexpensive

Popular hacker software includes "Comet Cursor", "Bonzi Buddy" and "Flash"

o no, i am gonna hack nasa with my enterprise cursor, my monkey that i get to sing me songs and a funny movie i made about aliens

Computer hackers are often limited by conventional computer hardware. They may request "faster" video cards, and larger hard drives, or even more memory. If your son starts requesting these devices, it is possible that he has a legitimate need. You can best ensure that you are buying legal, trustworthy hardware by only buying replacement parts from your computer's manufacturer

yeah mom, my 4 mb video card just isnt getting me the nuclear bomb plans i need to sell to bin laden

o, heres the best part:

Most American families use trusted and responsible Internet Service Providers, such as AOL. These providers have a strict "No Hacking" policy, and take careful measures to ensure that your internet experience is enjoyable, educational and above all legal. If your child is becoming a hacker, one of his first steps will be to request a change to a more hacker friendly provider.

that one is just too easy




by his terms i am a hacker - my my terms he is a moron

[JacobM5727]

by Anonymous Reader on Mon Dec 3rd, 2001 at 01:28:20 AM PST

You know, I never thought I'd see the day when stupidity was taken to a whole new level, but the day has come, and long long gone...I feel that this article must be replied to, if not for every knowledgable computer user out there, for the parents that might make the mistake of believing this crap...Therefore, I'm going to break it down, step by step...

1. Intro

Peter denied the fact that he was a hacker...BECAUSE HE WASN'T!!! Also, spanking does nothing for children except lower their self esteem, which may or may not be bullsh*t...I'm not a supporter of spanking of children, because violence rarely solves small conflicts.

2. 1. Has your son asked you to change ISPs?

Changing your ISP is definitely not a sign of a hacker. AOL is complete sh*t, unless you just use it for email or chatting. The speeds are slow, it embeds itself in every facet of your system, and rarely allows you to use any other web-based programs with it. Your son most likely wanted to change the ISP so he could play games online, listen to music, and be a normal kid. Whether he wanted you to change to a broadband type service like xDSL or cable or just move to another dialup service is another matter, but nonetheless, it certainly is not a sign of being a hacker.

3. 2. Are you finding programs on your computer that you don't remember installing?

Oh man was this one a blast! Comet Cursor: A program which allows websites to change your mouse cursor when you are on their website to get the full effect of the webpage. The "total immersion" theory. It does nothing else but that. It's not a hacker program, because it doesn't respond to any commands that someone gives it. Bonzi Buddy: A web enhancing program packaged with various other programs. It's meant to help you browse the net and get the most out of your experience...HACKERS DO NOT USE THIS PROGRAM!!! IT SLOWS DOWN THEIR COMPUTER, AND IS A PAIN IN THE ASS!!! Flash: Another web enhancing program made by Macromedia. Most websites with animations or other such higher quality items are made using Macromedia Flash. It allows you to get a greater experience from the website. IT'S A MOTHERF*CKING VIDEO PLAYER!!!

4. 3. Has your child asked for new hardware?

I constantly ask for new hardware. Even if my system is top of the line right now, I still want more stuff for it. And, Mr. T. Reginald Gibbons, do you know why? BECAUSE IT ALLOWS ME TO GET A GREATER EXPERIENCE OUT OF MY SYSTEM!!! A faster video card does exactly what it says it will do...MAKE YOUR F*CKING VIDEO QUICKER!!! A larger hard drive allows you to store more things on your computer, and more memory will increase the amount of multitasking you can do on your system, as well as speed the loading of the applications. (Note: It was at this point that I knew that this "T. Reginald Gibbons" was a total dipsh*t, who knew nothing of what he was speaking.) AMD is the second largest microprocessor producer in the world, and is quickly surpassing "its American counterpart" Intel. Most computers you buy retail now have AMD chips in them, because they are less expensive, and much quicker, thus enhancing the computing experience. THEY ARE SOLD IN RETAIL STORES, F*CKNUT!!!

5. 4. Does your child read hacking manuals?

Oh man...Programming With Perl? Your son would not like to become a hacker, but rather a coder for a large computer software company or internet company. Thanks, dad, for crushing his dreams of one day becoming a multimillionaire.

6. 5. How much time does your child spend using the computer each day?

Wow...considering it usually takes about 10 minutes to just get a connection to AOL, that leaves 20 minutes to check his email, if you don't have that blocked because it might contain illegal hacking things, as well as check any websites he needs to. And DOS'ing usually doesn't take 8 hours, although I can see that on AOL...It'd take 8 hours just to send out that many signals to one system, and more than likely it wouldn't be effective.

7. 6. Does your son use Quake?

This was one of the best. Quake was one of the biggest selling games of all time. Short of Wolfenstein 3D, Dark Forces, and the Duke Nukem series, it revolutionized the gaming industry. It was the first "First-Person Shooter" or FPS of its kind, and the detail was excellent. It's not a virtual world where hackers meet to train in weaponry, because NONE OF THE WEAPONS ARE REAL!!! FIND ME A BFG, YOU SON OF A B*TCH!!! And what's the point of having firearms in your home if they're locked up so tight that when you need protection, they take too long to get into? Also, I hope that you were laughed off his campus when you told them that he was a computer hacker training in weaponry online with Quake. If you weren't, then may God have mercy on every soul involved in your son's life.

8. 7. Is your son becoming argumentative and surly in his social behaviour?

IT IS CALLED MOTHERF*CKING ADOLESCENSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

9. 8. Is your son obsessed with "Lunix"?

Nice...Start out with the crappiest Linux version ever made. #1 sign HE ISN'T A HACKER!!! And break into their stereos? In case you didn't notice when you were setting up your system, you didn't hook your stereo up to your computer...or wait, did you? God knows what happened when you set that thing up. MP3 files are compressed CD Audio files, and are used widely in the daily range of activities. And what's this bullsh*t about not noticing if Linux is installed? IT'S A TOTALLY DIFFERENT OPERATING SYSTEM THAT REPLACES WINDOWS!!! It's impossible not to notice it. It'd be clear as day when your dumb ass couldn't figure out why the f*ck your system had completely changed. And Linux is very easily removed by inserting your Compaq Recovery CD. And just for your info, when you send your computer back to the manufacturer, they're going to just restore it using the recovery CD, and laugh all day because of how idiotic you are. I should know, because I worked for Best Buy in the computer department for almost a year and a half, and dealt with stupidty like yourself, although not nearly to this extent, every day.

10. 9. Has your son radically changed his appearance?

Umm, I believer you're referring to the ever-growing group of stylists known as "ravers". They go to parties known as raves, and usually are on some form of sedative or the like. Special-K, i.e. Ketamine is highly popular, because it is easy to find and cheap to purchase. It is cat tranquilizer in small doses, and horse tranquilizer in large doses. Nextly, E, or extasy, is the next most popular drug. It is ingested in the form of a pill, and cause people to "roll" at raves, because of the intense lightshows. If your son was wearing raver clothing, more than likely you shouldn't worry about him being a hacker, but rather being under the influence of some drug or another. Nice detective work, Sherlock.

11. 10. Is your son struggling academically?

Well since you bought a new computer, emissions standards have virtually eliminated all radiation by computers, disproving your brain and eye damage theory. Most hackers are very intelligent, and excel in such subjects as math and foreign languages. And for everyone's knowledge, meningitis is NOT A PSYCHOLOGICAL DISEASE!!! IT'S BACTERIAL!!!

12. Conclusion

T. Reginald Gibbons, you are a complete and utter moron. My friend Brian once proposed that we have a system in which we grade idiots by packing them in crates, and shipping them to camps in Greenland. There, they shall be graded on a system much like that of triage, with 1A through 4F. 1A idiots would work for real humans as slaves, and 4F idiots would be shot. Mr. Gibbons would most likely create an entirely new grade of idiot lower than that ever seen before. Try 10Z. I make a solemn promise to myself that if and when I ever meet him, I shall swiftly beat him senseless to prevent any further idiocy from flowing through that orifice of filth which he calls a mouth. In fact, I wouldn't be opposed to someone taking a Sig Sauer SG 550 to his head from a range of 100 feet. It would certainly eliminate a drag on the gene pool. I only hope, for his children's sake, that they realize what a complete and utter fairy he is, and refuse to listen to anyhing he says. Peter, Cindy, if you're reading this, may the Lord have mercy upon your souls, you poor things. Don't let anything your father says or does to you (God knows how terrible those things he does may be) stop you from pursuing your dreams. And to Mrs. Gibbons, if you haven't left your husband and sued for custody as well as alimony and child support with no visitation rights, do so now. For your sake and your children's. In closing, I don't consider myself to be a hacker, but I'd say I'm close. I don't know how to code, but I've got the hookups on the net, and let me tell you this: If you plan on becoming a hacker, don't take any advice from this guide. Download mIRC from (i took out the link ) run the program, and type /server jade.va.us.dal.net and list the channels. Join one of them, and your hacking needs will be met. Otherwise, go forth and use the programs mentioned at this article with the freedom of knowing that you are not a hacker. And, on that note, I'm done. Your semi-m4d l337 h4x0r who fux0r3d things up and r0x0r3d this s173 d1z0wn, [vV]SirGriper - #VCDVaULT on irc.dal.net