War Poem For English Class

[Blazer06]

I had to wright a war - realted poem for my english class. Do you think this is any good??

Fallen Friend

Look at the death around you
All of the fallen soilders
And I spot a lonely two
One of the a bit older
And I see them both crying
Mourning for one of their friends
Afraid that he is dieing
Knowing that they will tie his ends
Ans as they sit there afraid
They relize that they may die
Knowing the price they paid
Will give them strenght not to cry
They pick up their gus again
And fight for their fallen friend

Blaze Squared

[Chuckiechan]

Very good, but check your spelling and syntax to see that it is cohesive. I'd give you a "A"...

BTW: are you required to write an anti-war poem, or just a poem. Are you in a private or public school?

Politics aside, I think you have have discovered a hidden talent!

[RADAR1797]

Not bad, but you need to check your spelling.

-RADAR

[MegalosSkylaki]

Ah ! And do read the English anti-war poets like Wilfred Owens and Sigfreid Sassoon, among my personal favorites. They served during the meat-grinder and Colonialist War aka WW I.

Put most of my books in storage.

BOOKLESS DOOOOOOG

Now write the Lord's Prayer on a grain of rice."
--Dylan Thomas

[daveleau]

I like it. It doesn't really speak politically about war, but instead talks of the rigors and the sacrifice.

[osprey4]

Originally posted by Blazer06
I had to write a war - related poem for my English class...
One of them a bit older...
Afraid that he is dying...
And as they sit there afraid...
They realize that they may die...
Will give them strenghth not to cry...
They pick up their guns again...

If it's for English, you may want to check your spelling.

[Blazer06]

Yes, I know i can't spell. It is a great flaw. In 6th grade I got a 60, and a 61 on my report card for spelling. Now there is no spelling class and I manage all a's. My teacher dosen't grade for spelling, but for content. Doesn't matter, because Microsoft Word does.

Blaze

Yea, you can read other of my poems here:

http://www.blazingstuf.com

or here if you want to get to them faster:

http://www.angelfire.com/droid/story...ngs/index.html

Blaze Squared

BTW: YOU MUST HAVE JAVA ENABLED

[osprey4]

Blazer06:

Nice to see your initiative with putting poetry online. It's commendable.

I use caution when criticizing people's spelling. The internet is for everyone, even the illiterate. However, I believe your English teacher is doing a tremendous disservice by overlooking spelling. I'm not sure what you want to do with your life but there are few worthwhile jobs that don't require effective communication, of which spelling is a part.

[Blazer06]

let me rephase what I said. He dosen't check for spelling in drafts, but will point out mistake. He does not mark down for spelling on mast things, but will point them out. Final drafts don't have spelling problems because they are required to be typed.

Blaze

[Joe Desa]

Yes. It’s a good poem. I like it.

Here’s one of my favorite war poems. It’s a resistance code poem from WWII by Leo Marks.

The life that I have is all that I have
And the life that I have is yours.
The love that I have of the life that I have
Is yours and yours and yours.

A sleep I shall have
A rest I shall have,
Yet death will be but a pause,
For the peace of my years in the long green grass
Will be yours and yours and yours.