Breaking News--France going into Iraq!!

[osprey4]

PARIS, FRANCE - President Jacques Chirac announced today that France would be deploying two elite units of French troops to Iraq in the event of war. Five hundred crack troops from the 2nd Groupement d'Instruction en Abandonment are mobilizing to assist the Iraqi Army in the finer points of military surrender. "The immediate capitulation of an armed force is a delicate and intricate tactic in which we French have much experience." said Defense Ministry spokesperson General de Armee Francois-Phillippe Hommes de Petit-Pommes. "There is a certain protocol in laying down your arms or fleeing the battlefield. To wave the white flag while remaining arrogant, pompous and insufferable requires experience and training. The French Army believes it is second to none in the fine art of surrendering quickly. The record of our armed forces in that area speaks for itself. The Iraqi performance in giving up without a fight during the last Gulf War was commendable but slip-shod. We hope to improve their level of surrender execution for the next war."

General Hommes de Petit-Pommes further announced that 1000 advisors from the Regiment de Collaborateurs Francais will also be dispatched to Iraq to assist the Iraqi people in collaborating effectively with any occupation force. "It is more important to protect their art treasures than to defend their honor," the General pointed out.

The General also expressed the hope that Baghdad has some tree-lined boulevards. "It was our experience that the Germans liked to march in the shade, and we feel the Americans and the British might like that same measure of comfort in Iraq-especially as warm weather settles in this spring."

[Centurion]

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[caddmannq]

[sharder8]

ROFLMAO!

Harder

[osprey4]

Sorry, this is kind of dated, but still good...

PRESIDENT BUSH AGREES TO MORE INSPECTORS
Date: Tue, 18 Mar 2003 15:23:04 -0500
> > > (AP) Washington, DC Friday, March 17, 2003 8:00 AM
President George Bush has made an announcement that we will not attack Iraq.

The President has announced that as of today, he is agreeing to additional inspectors to be deployed throughout the country of Iraq. We will be sending 250,000 additional inspectors into Iraq. The additional inspectors will include: 24,000 members of the 1st Infantry Division 15,000 members of the 101st Airborne Division (Air Assault) 15,000 members of the 82d Airborne Division and more than 5,000 members of the 4th armored division with their "M1-A1 all-terrain vehicles." Additionally there will be U.S. Army personnel, as needed for inspections, a variety of U.S. Air Force personnel for aerial recon missions and other "surveillance" activities, a significant number of United States Marines to aid with inspections, U. S. Coast Guard personnel to inspect coastlines, as well as an undisclosed number of Navy SEALs, Rangers, Green Berets, Recon Marines, Delta Force, and other Special Operations personnel to inspect Iraqi "hideaways."

To aid the inspections, special air deliveries will be made by aircraft from the USS Constellation, USS George Washington, USS Abraham Lincoln and USS Kitty Hawk. The President stated: "With these additional inspectors, the inspections should be completed in a few weeks."