I NEED QUICK REPLY

[shawshank62]

For english I have a paper due tomorrow writting an essay form, trying to reveal characterization. Basic definition, do you feel a developing of the character, like you have a general idea of what they are like?





He had a gangly body, with elongated arms that swung by his hips. His clothing was loose hanging, and his pants somehow managed to cling on. The movements he made were slow, almost as if there was a slight delay from brain to legs. There appeared to be a delay from brain to mouth also, and the most common word I heard him say was “what?”

Often, you could him gazing around the room, what he looked at was beyond my knowledge. Sitting there quietly at times, his mouth ajar, staying perfectly still. If you would say anything to him, there was that moment of recognition, for 5 to 10 seconds and then he would look at you. Then the first words to stream out would be “What?” Even during conversation there was many times when that word would appear what, what, what?

He was also talented; he could take a pencil and turn it into a Playstation.
“I found this clicky pencil in this book!” and a large smirk overcame his face. Click, click, click, again and again. “Check it out, I took out all the lead!” and an even larger grin appeared on his grimace. He held down the clicker and pushed a piece of lead back into the pen. Click, click, click. It was almost to the point of falling out. Then he moved the pencil up and pushed it against his skin, the lead retracting back into the pencil.
“I just gave myself a shot!” he said, and there was another smile on his face, and a chugging laugh that sounded like it came through his nose.

The things he said and the deeds he would do had an amazing ability to stir up laughter and smiles. “Who is a bodybuilder?” was a question that was asked, and his scrawny arm flew up. Laughs were erupting from everyone’s mouth, whether it be from his performance or just how ridiculous he looked. Once the laughter came, there was a sly smirk on his face, and he had achieved his mission, whatever it was.





I dont really need a conclusion, but does anyone have any ideas how i can end it, it only had to be 3 paragraphs long. please critize anything you see wrong.

[RedFury]

16 years old and ready for nothing. His days revolved around how long he could balance his new found mechanical pencil on his finger tip and making a half hearted attempt to get home before his parents locked the front door. Simply put, he was a teenager without an apparent future.

That's the impression I got....geez, I haven't done anything like that in ages! ( careful though, this might turn into a short story by the end of the week, with some kind of derailed conclusion if we aren't careful here )

[shawshank62]

so you were able to feel the character, and see what he is all about? good. Now that i read it, i dont think i need to add some kind of conclusion, i think it works good this way. BTW it is based on a 16 y/o, (and he probably doesnt have a future). I couldnt resist writting about him though, its so easy. Any other comments anyone?

[daveleau]

The impression I got was of someone disinterested with his surroundings, and a bit socially immature. He seems to be a loner, yet has moments where he enjoys grabbing the attention of those around him. Because of this, he does not seem to be disliked. I would see him as having few friends, but the friends he does have are interested in the same things, that are not necessarily normal for the majority of the people in his school. For instance, if he were from my preppy high school (many years ago), I would see him as someone who was either a skater or in a metal band or either someone who enjoyed things outside of what the majority of others around him enjoys.

[Martoch]

I was going to correct the entire paper gramatically, but this IS your english class...I don't want to "cheat".


Here's one simple correction though:

Often, you could see him gazing around the room, what he looked at was beyond my knowledge.

_________________________________

I get the feeling he enjoys the simple things in life...enjoying the warm lazy rays of sunlight in the late afternoon...watching an early morning bass jump after it's prey...clicking a pencil over and over and pretend to inject himself with it.
Maybe he's bored by his surroundings and often imagines places greater than reality can produce for him...thus the apparent "empty gaze" that you often see him doing. He's probably intelligent, but only shows it when he wants to. He is not out to be "the man", but certainly wants people to know he's there. He's in no hurry to get through life, he enjoys each day and takes things one slow step at a time.

Great job BTW!

Naw, he's stoned.

Looking around the room, mouth ajar? He's all potted up.

Maybe he need some glassy eyes? A little too white from the Visene?

Lethargy is a dead giveaway.

[shawshank62]

Thx for finding that error Martoch, when i read my own stuff i seem to read words that arent there but i think they are. Any other errors? I think that was the only one i could see.

Thx for the help dave and red also, this really helps me get an unbaised view of what you see about this character.

prexaspes

[RedFury]

See, Now Martoch's version makes me think of him as a hayseed out in the country where nothing in life goes by quickly. Just rocking on the porch, looking out into the vastness of nature, realizing that life keeps going on regardless of what happens.

( this is of course, after removing references to him being a kid )

[shawshank62]

I never thought of it in martochs view either.......

He just smoked a doobie! Can't you tell by looking?