An Armed Society...

[Theophylact]

...Is

A Polite Society

I walked into Winkler's office with a smile and a nod. Then I shot him in the knee. He shrieked and fell over sideways, clutching his leg. From the floor he glared up at me. "What did you do that for?"

"To convince you I mean business." I patted him down, took his gun. "Are you Professor Harvey Winkler?"

"Yes."

"Author of A Polite Society: the Case for the Mandatory Arming of the American Citizenry?"

"How did you get in here?"

"I'm not a criminal. I'm a good Republican, a lifetime member of the NRA, a Boy Scout leader, and an elder in Fort Myers Baptist Church. And, of course, as required by Federal law, I'm packing heat. So who was going to stop me? You haven't answered my question."

"Something had to be done. The crime rate was—"

He shut up when I put the gun to his head. "Yes or no."

"Yes."

I paused. "I'm afraid I have to ask you for identification."

With some difficulty, Winkler produced his driver's license. The picture checked out. I returned it to him. "Thanks. Now I'm going to kill you."

"No! Wait! You can't kill me without even explaining why!"

"Hmm. That would be rude, wouldn't it? Very well, Professor Winkler. It's because your book is responsible for a constitutional amendment which sent the murder rate in this country sky-high."

"It's not murder to shoot a criminal in self-defense."

"Let's not get bogged down in abstractions, professor. Let's focus on United flight 1658 last month. That's the one some poor loony tried to hijack with a paper dagger with the word 'knife' printed across it in block letters. You may have seen the black-box film footage of the incident on TV."

"That was unfortunate, but—"

"Half the armed citizenry on the plane pulled out guns and started blazing away. The cabin decompressed and the plane disintegrated in mid-air. So much for your notion that an armed society is a polite society.'"

"All right, I've heard you out. Now do me the courtesy of listening to my side of the argument."

"I've read your book. There was a woman aboard that plane. Loving wife. Mother of three. Her death outweighs anything you could possibly say."

Professor Winkler's face was contorted with pain. But he wasn't about to give up. He was a game old bird, I had to give him that. "Our society is more polite!" he insisted. "And against that overall gain, even the tragic death of your wife …"

"Oh, she wasn't my wife," I said. Professor Winkler stared at me uncomprehendingly. "I'm just doing this as a favor for a friend."

Then I shot him and, with a polite tip of the hat, left his office.


The End

From Michael Swanwick's
Periodic Table of Science Fiction:
82
Pb
Lead
207.2

[Epidemic]

ummmmm,

ummmmm,

like yeah uhhhh ha!

[Mntsnow]

Hardy har har

[OuTpaTienT]

Mildly amusing.

Completely silly.

And doesn't really make any point to speak of.

[shrug]

[daveleau]

That is the insane ideas of a delusional person who does not understand society. Guns will never be mandated to be carried and no matter what laws are implemented, there will always be psychopaths and criminals. This is the liberal brainwashing technique known as going to the far far far extreme to play on the emotions of the ignorant sheep in society. This person is not himself ignorant, but knows how to push the buttons of the ignorant in society for his own misguided ideas.

To quote Epidemic from an earlier gun post, Ted Kennedey's car has killed more people that all of my guns.

[RedFury]

I'm curious though. WHERE DO YOU FIND THIS STUFF? Theo, you definetely post some of the more curious links in this forum. No complaint here ( I enjoyed the James Lileks link ), just curios. Seems that I'm missing out on some really interesting reading that is out there on the web

[pickel]

Thank the Lord I live in a state where people wanting to defend themselves are permitted, after a complete background check, city, state and federal, to carry a firearm(s) for self protection. Fortunately, after six years, I've NEVER had to use a weapon for such purpose. Lately, with all the murders here in Jackson, I'm more than ever glad I have such a permit. If I go , someone's coming with me. Just the other day, a pizza delivery guy was shot to death by a 13 yr. old black kid who was given the gun and put up to this crime by an 18 yr. old. They got forty bucks. It was so sad to see and hear the mother of this boy on TV. She had no idea and was beside herself. The fiancee of the pizza guy couldn't even talk. 22 and her life is ruined. Give up my guns N E V E R!!!!

[Theophylact]

WHERE DO YOU FIND THIS STUFF?

RedFury, I guess I just hang out in parts of the Web that others here don't frequent. For example, daveleau wouldn't follow www.salon.com even if it were free, and you won't catch me reading Ann Coulter.

The tag my wife uses for me is "a snapper-up of unconsidered trifles". Not entirely flattering, if you consider the source of the phrase...

[Theophylact]

Oh, and the notion that an armed society is a polite society is a science-fiction theme that dates back at least to Beyond This Horizon (first published in 1948) by Robert A. Heinlein. So it's fair game for another science-fiction writer.