A major research institution has recently announced the
discovery of the heaviest chemical element yet known to
science. The new element has been tentatively named
Governmentium.
Governmentium has 1 neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75
deputy neutrons, and 224 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it
an atomic mass of 312.
These 312 particles are held together by forces called
morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-
like particles called peons. Since governmentium has no
electrons, it is inert. However, it can be detected as it
impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A
minute amount of governmentium causes one reaction to
take over 4 days to complete when it would normally take
less than a second.
Governmentium has a normal half-life of 3 years; it does not
decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a
portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons
exchange places. In fact, governmentium's mass will actually
increase over time, since each reorganization will cause
some morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes.
This characteristic of moron-promotion leads some scientists
to speculate that governmentium is formed whenever morons
reach a certain quantity in concentration. This hypothetical
quantity is referred to as Critical Morass.
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