Only in America!!

[no1_vern]

Only in America!!

1. Only in America......can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.
2. Only in America......are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.
3. Only in America......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
4. Only in America......do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.
5. Only in America......do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.
6. Only in America......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
7. Only in America......do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.
8. Only in America......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight. (THIS ONE ALWAYS BUGGED ME!)
9. Only in America......do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.
10. Only in America......do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.

EVER WONDER ~~~~

Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?
Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?
Why is it that to stop Windows 98, you have to click on "Start"?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid is made with real lemons?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?
Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?


In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.


On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. ( and that's the only time I have to work on my hair.)
On a bag of Fritos: ..You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special?)
On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that would be how??...)
On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's "just" a suggestion.)
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down."
(well...duh, a bit late, huh!)
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (...and you thought????...)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (but wouldn't this save me more time?)
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:"Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)
On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and... I'm taking this because???....)
On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (as opposed to...what?)
On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)
On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news flash)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
"Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)
On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)
On a Swedish chainsaw:"Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals." (..was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)

[Fagin]

LOL no_1vern - that has cheered me up no end, just what i needed with all the bad news around lately.

[Redwolf]

This is pretty good. If youwant REAL proof that humanity is doomed, chek out the classic www.darwinawards.com .

Only in America...do people eat 6 Healty Choice meals so that they can be filling.
Only in America...do school systems call off schools one day for 1 inch of snow, and the next have school in 6 inches of it.
Only in America...do people hate politics so much and still elect these bums into office.

[Xeroid]

Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

Now that's the one I want answered ! !

[cyphen]

On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness."

I'd prefer one that definitely causes drowsiness!

here here on the mosquito one, Xeroid!

On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (as opposed to...what?)

all i can think of for this one, is that it's not to be used for a door ... ???

My personal favorite - i was doing construction work (actually destruction work) and we went out to buy a few things. One was a sledgehammer with the following warning label:

"Caution: Avoid injury."

I found that to be very good advice!

There was thread in here that poste a link to the story of a driver who put his Winnebago on cruise control ("auto-pilot"), and went in back to make a cup of coffee. Needless to say he crashed. The company then had to put a warning in the manual control to say you had tio keep driving when using the cruise control!!

A lot of the funny warnings are like that; because someone sued them and they had to absolve themselves of blame (idiocy, in many cases).

The rest are mainly poor English translations, from what I've seen.

Cheers
Mick

[Brainchild]

3. Only in America......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

I have always wondered this myself.I'm sure it's something that originated from superstition or something.It is stupid IMO

[Redwolf]

Just the premise of a place selling both medications and ciggs under the same roof makes you wonder....

[cyphen]

3. Only in America......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

it's a conspiracy. They make the sick walk all the way to the back to infect the healthy and sell more medicine.

You might be right about Only in America and drugstores sells cigarettes. I don't think they are allowed to in Australia.

But the prescription counter is in the back of the store for a good reason: Security. The drugs they keep need to be secured until they are ready to be dispensed. If it was at the front, would make a weird design for the shop, probably, as the secured area would take up most of the front of the shop, and you'd have a little narrow passage to the back where the non-prescription stock was.

Also, marketing wise, it's a good thing to have customers pass shelves laden with tempting goods on their way to get their dispensed drugs.

That's how it is here for that, too.

Cheers
Mick

edit: most of our drugstores sell candy, though.