Need Advice..

[xenon200]

I need some advice. I have an estranged former friend who is "out to get me". We have, for a while now, shared a mutual distaste towards one another. I have chosen to handle this in a rational manner and just try and forget it. I have a busy life, so doing so isn't a big deal. She, however, seemingly has too much time on her hands and I've heard (from several people) that she has been going around telling people supposed "secrets" that I've told her about "perverse" details of my life. None of which are true, AT ALL.. She has also been approaching my male friends in private and been telling them that I have homosexual fantasies involving them, etc. Which also couldn't be FURTHER from the truth...

Here's my problem. I'm confused. I know for a fact that this will probably persist, for at least some time if nothing is done. However, I'm a little uneasy about the few options I have. And since I've only been told of all of this today, my main thought has been "revenge." .. However, I'm not sure if that's the best route. I really wish she would just leave me alone (as I have done to her) and find something a little more productive to do with her time. :/

Any advice would be appreciated.

X2

[ZENYO]

I would continue on the way you have. This is always a good opportunity to find out who your true friends are. If they beleive her lies and stories then they are not true friends. Eventualy she will get bored and crawl back in her hole.

Here's a cool quote.
Don't argue with idiots, they'll pull you down to their level, then beat you with experience. -Greg King

[daveleau]

I agree with ZENYO. She will get tired of it eventually, especially if you pay her no attention. Revenge would only prolong the problem. If things persist, there are legal recourses, but that may be a bit extreme, or at least it would be for me. but, if you get revenge, that avenue will disappear.

You can't stop a dog on the road barking at you, can you?

Ignore everything.

Not worthy of any response.

In fact she prolly wants you to react to get some satisfaction. Just ignoring her and her actions will initially infuriarate her, making her do all this more intensely to get your attention and reaction, but eventually, she'll just get tired and stop.

After having made a spectacle of herself.

Remember, what "goes around comes around".

'Course, I'm assuming you're totally innocent.

[xenon200]

It's a little complicated. We sort of all the same friends, and she (while keeping her own space over the last few weeks) has decided to "infiltrate", while starting all this new crap... Making things worse.

I am not interested in "patching things up", either... So there's no chance of that happening.

X2

[xenon200]

shanani... Great advice. Thanks! The thing was, a few months ago she started to become a really bitter, mean person... Saying absolutely horrid things about perfectly nice people, etc... So I just said, "That's enough." and stopped talking to her. There wasn't some huge fallout, I just simply stopped acknowledging her existance, because she isn't interested in changing her ways - and the things she has decided to do since then only reaffirm my thoughts and opinions of her. I feel that I have managed the sitaution extremely well, and very maturely - but it's getting difficult when cr@p like this starts happening, when I really don't have time to deal with it.

X2

[NeoStarO1]

Hello xenon200,

I haven't met you before and first I want to say Welcome to TechIMO.

I have to agree with what the others say here. Also I want to enforce the point of finding out who your true friends are. If you both are indeed in the same social group. This group should also know you well enough not to belive in her lies as well as the group should know what she is capable of. Your true freinds will show themselves in due time. If in the case they do happen to "belive" this vindicitive woman then its time to find a new circle of friends where you won't be in the same group. Sometimes that is diffucult to do if you all have been good friends for a very long time.
Test of time will always produce who are your good friends and who are not. Sometimes this in itself can be the toughest lesson of all because of the fact you know you have done no wrong and feel jilted because of it.

go on with your life and just sit back a bit and see what happens. If she is really out to get you, it will only get worse and that is when you will need to have some legal intervention as to a restraining order and such.

Just always know in your heart that you had done what you felt is right to handle the situation and if life does take you on a different path then your friends in your current social setting that you will be that much wiser in the end for seeing people for who they really are and either accepting them or choosing to make new friends who will remain true and loyal to you as you are to them.

[xenon200]

I guess that does concern me, as my friends are not so much telling me this stuff, but rather confronting me about it. At least about the not-so-outrageous stuff. They believe me when I tell them it's not true, of course... As most of them don't really like her, but don't have anything to hold against her. She is being SUPER nice to all my friends in order to rub shoulders with them and attempt to turn them against me. (The guys all know the homosexual fantasy stuff is bogus, luckily. ) .. We'll see.

What I'm more concerned about is her telling people I don't know stuff about me. I don't enjoy having to be around people I don't know, who already have ridiculous preconcieved notions about me from some girl who was "really nice to them" and told them all this stuff about this guy. :/

X2

[xenon200]

I'll ask that you bear in mind that even though my friends realize that the homosexual fantasy stuff IS bogus, it still provides a mighty uncomfortable situation between all of us.

X2

[NeoStarO1]

Hi Xenon,

I relize and understand your plight, really only time will tell what will happen. Just sit back and take a break from social activities and see what happens okay. I know easier said then done, however you will find out who your friends are, because true friends wouldn't care a hoot if a person is homosexual or not. If your friends are that concerned about a sexual preferences of a friend it sounds to me they are a bit predudice (sp?)
I could care less if someone was gay or not gay, if they are friends of mine and loyal to me and treat me with respect and such i don't give a hoot what thier preferences are because i accept them for who they are and they do the same to me.

this situation obvisily (sp?) bothers you very much and this is the type of reaction your former friend wants. she wants you to think and she is doing that by planting seeds of doubts in your social groups minds. those seeds of doubt will not grow if your friends are really true to you. That is what i mean by your true friends will show up and be there for you.