Woodchucks

In my search for a reason why the chuckwood thread was closed, I stumbled acroos this old UseNET oracle post. It was funny, so I repost it here for your amusement (with the offending dyslexic woodchuck bit removed., even though I have no idea why it is offensive

Cheers
Mick

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was: If a woodchuck would grovel, what would it do?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

That's a tough one. I can make a few educated guesses though:

1. "O mighty and powerful Oracle who" -- <ZOT!>
[woodchuck is instantly vaporized and never bothers the Oracle again]

That's the most likely outcome. But suppose the Oracular All-Powerful and Pretty-Damn-Frightening Supplicant Punishment device (i.e. the ZOTer) was not working, and so the woodchuck was actually able to finish the grovel, then things would get more interesting:

2. "O mighty and powerful Oracle who is much too kind at heart to ZOT an innocent woodchuck such as myself . . . "
[woodchuck waits in anxious anticipation of impending <ZOT> . . .
. . . then breaths a sigh of relief when no <ZOT!> comes.]

" . . . please tell me: how many ZOTs could an Oracle ZOT if an
Oracle could ZOT ZOTs?"

Of course, depending on the exact woodchuck asking the question, the specific content of the question could vary:

space-faring wookchuck:

How much space could a spaceship ship if a spaceship could ship
space?

dyslexic woodchuck:

*deleted*

hungry woodchuck:

How much soda could a soda cracker crack if a soda cracker could
crack soda?

British woodchuck:

How much cup could a tea cup cup if a tea cup could cup tea?
-or-
How much time could tea time time if tea time could time tea?

Dead woodchuck:

Confused woodchuck:

How far south would I travel east if I could travel southeast.

Hacker woodchuck:

(a) How many disks could a disk drive drive if a disk drive could
drive disks?

(b) How much C could a C shell shell if a C shell could shell C?

Omniscient woodchuck:

Move over Orrie, this is my job now!!!

Well there you have it. As a final note, I must inform you that all
of this is purely hypothetical. No woodchuck has ever asked me a
question (usually because they don't survive long enough) so I can't draw from actual experience.

You owe the Oracle a toothbrush that could brush tooth if the
toothbrush could brush tooth.

[Knothead]

How many micks would a Mickwish wish for
if Mickwish did wish for micks?

Well, that naturally leads to:

How many Knots could a Knothead head if a Knothead could head knots?

or even

How many heads could a Knothead knot if a Knothead could knot heads?



Cheers
Mick