"I love you!"

[Martoch]

That's what I'm here to talk about, saying those three lovely words. This is what I'm referring to...

My girlfriend and I have been together for 1 1/2 yrs now and surely love each other, that's a fact. However, I have an issue with how many times she says "I love you" to me every single day. She tells me anywhere from 25-50 or so times a day and expects the same "I love you" back each and every time. If I look at her and smile after she says it without returning the favor, she gets upset and says that she wants to hear it every single time she says it to me. I explained to her that I actually enjoy hearing it sometimes without feeling like I have to say it back. She claims that if I really do love her I shouldn't have a problem with saying it 100 times a day if need be. Not trying to sound mean, I tell her that saying it over and over all day long can sort of diminish the meaning of the phrase...sorta wears it out a little. I honestly would prefer to hear it 3 or 4 times a day rather than ten times that much. I think it would be more meaningful to me if used in such a manner.

I've asked a few married friends of mine here about it and they agree with me on the issue. However, they're my friends so they are a little bias. That's why I turn to you...my friends on TechIMO! You seem to be a little more brutally honest than my buds here are.

What do you think? Should I just say it as many times as I hear it and go on with life? I really need to resolve this issue with her because it's a non-stop issue with us. Maybe I shouldn't even have said anything, but I'm honest with my feelings and I can't hide them. So fire away!

Thanks in advance!
Mike

[howste]

I love you too, Mike!

But, to answer your question, I think it's kind of obsessive. A few times a day should be enough. Almost seems like she's insecure in your relationship?

But what do I know, maybe I don't understand women.

[geekgrl]

I have to admit. I'm an "I love you"er. I tell my husband at the end of every phone call, every time he leaves, and sometimes when it just pops in my head.

But here is my thinking..... I've had a few family members pass away, and I wish that they would have heard I love you as the last things I said.

If you do love her, then I think you should return the words. You might regret it one day if you don't.....

[edwelly]

I can't stop saying it to my lady. When she doesn't reply back I am ok with that. What did bother me is that I always said it first. But that has changed a little. I know she loves me so hearing her say it after I say it doesn't do anything for me. but hearing her say it makes me lite up!
---edwelly

[Martoch]

Originally posted by howste

But what do I know, maybe I don't understand women.

Women don't even understand each other!

[Underclocked]

Look to her past, somewhere maybe someone let her down pretty badly. She must be VERY insecure about a lot of things.

Using that phrase too often and too loosely sort of makes it meaningless IMHO.

[Epidemic]

I have heard it both ways.

One line of thought is that the shear number of times you espouse your love to some one will strengthen your bond.

Another line of thought is that saying it over and over will merely dimish its value.



I guess that it would depend on the relationship. Perhaps the needy person may need to be re-affirmed every so many hours. And they are constantly testing their relationship.

A more compfortable couple may display it in other ways or simply know their partner is madly in love with them.

Probably some sort of compromise is in order. She has to understand you and you need to re-affirm her a little more often.

Loosely is I guess a key as well.

20 to 50 times a day seems excessive IMHO

[Martoch]

Originally posted by geekgrl
I have to admit. I'm an "I love you"er. I tell my husband at the end of every phone call, every time he leaves,

If you do love her, then I think you should return the words. You might regret it one day if you don't.....

I understand that completely, I have no problems with saying it at the end of phone conversations, going separate ways, etc...it's the 10 times she says it during a 1/2 hour TV Show that I don't understand.

[caddmannq]

Ok. You do love her.

So get her to go to a councillor with you. Tell her it's about your problem with it. The truth will come out soon: that she's insecure, and relys on your input for self-validation, or that she's overly domminating and trying to control you. Or it could be overcompensation for something else. Or she might be trying to manufacture an excuse to punish you. Or something. I'm no head shrinker.

But it's serious enough to warrant outside help.

[geekgrl]

Martoch, yes saying it 10 times in half an hour is a bit much....
Maybe you should sit down and tell her how much you do love her, but how you view saying it so much as diminishing it's value.

Nothing is ever wrong with straight-faced honesty.

Good luck!