»
 

Go Back   ResellerRatings Store Ratings > ResellerRatings Forums > Off Topic Community

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 08-02-2002, 05:48 PM   #1 (permalink)
Registered User
 
cowboybooter's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: London Suburbia,UK
Posts: 515
cowboybooter is on a distinguished road
Another Funny !

Aircraft Maintenance !


These were presented as actual maintenance complaints by Air Force pilots

(P for problems) and the maintenance crews' response (S for
solution):


(P) Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement
(S) Almost replaced left inside main tyre

(P) Test flight OK, except autoland very rough
(S) Autoland not installed on this aircraft

(P) #2 Propeller seeping prop fluid
(S) #2 Propeller seepage normal; #s 1, 3, and 4 propellers lack
normal seepage

(P) Something loose in cockpit
(S) Something tightened in cockpit

(P) Evidence of leak on right main landing gear
(S) Evidence removed

(P) DME volume unbelievably loud
(S) Volume set to more believable level

(P) Dead bugs on windshield
(S) Live bugs on order

(P) Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent
(S) Cannot reproduce problem on ground

(P) IFF inoperative
(S) IFF always inoperative in OFF mode

(P) Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick
(S) That's what they're there for

(P) Number three engine missing
(S) Engine found on right wing after brief search

(P) Aircraft handles funny
(S) Aircraft warned to straighten up, "fly right," and be serious

(P) Target Radar hums
(S) Reprogrammed Target Radar with the words

You've probably heard before, but enjoy.

CBB

cowboybooter is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-02-2002, 05:59 PM   #2 (permalink)
Registered User
 
Kuasimodem's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2001
Location: Holmen, Wisconsin USA
Posts: 2,130
Kuasimodem is on a distinguished road
Send a message via AIM to Kuasimodem Send a message via Yahoo to Kuasimodem
When I was in the Navy, we had a pilot write up a bird for "IFF doesn't function in O-F-F position." I got a reprimand for writing this in the repair description:

"O-F-F = off, as in power off. R&R operator to correct any further problems"

R&R = remove & replace
Kuasimodem is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-02-2002, 06:01 PM   #3 (permalink)
shahani
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
  Reply With Quote
Old 08-02-2002, 07:14 PM   #4 (permalink)
Registered User
 
Xeroid's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2001
Location: Georgia
Posts: 2,712
Xeroid is on a distinguished road
I've heard most of these told by my dad. They weren't jokes though. Most were his real life experiences. He was in aircraft maintenance with the Air Force for 24 years.

Mike
Xeroid is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-02-2002, 07:18 PM   #5 (permalink)
Registered User
 
Knothead's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2001
Location: South Bay, CA
Posts: 600
Knothead is on a distinguished road
HAHAHAHAHAH!!!

Scary...but funny!
Knothead is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-02-2002, 09:03 PM   #6 (permalink)
Registered User
 
Join Date: Oct 2001
Location: Monett Missouri
Posts: 3,900
Brainchild is on a distinguished road
Send a message via Yahoo to Brainchild
That's funny, still laughing here
__________________
Cheers

B.C.

Hug your kids, you never know:D
Brainchild is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-10-2002, 03:52 PM   #7 (permalink)
Registered User
 
Xeroid's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2001
Location: Georgia
Posts: 2,712
Xeroid is on a distinguished road
I read cowboybooter's post to my dad who was in aircraft maintenance with the Air Force for 24 years. He thought it was really funny! He came by the house last night and brought the following with him. It's a paper one of his co-workers typed up around 1966 when my dad was stationed at Charleston Air Force Base. He was with the 444th Fighter Interceptor Squadron (Air Defense Command) at the time.

The parts in italics are things he had to explain to me.

ENJUN BULLETIN, SUBJECT:

Jet Engine. Engine shake too much, how fix, how find out, who blame, information on.

1. PURPOSE: For when make easier to read and savy jet engine bulletin 99A
(Some clues to solution on inflight vibration). Bulletin no say whassamatteris when engine shake, but only list on things what make engine shake sometimes.

2. APPLICATION: All jet engines.

3. INSTRUCTIONS:

A. If engine shake in sky and no shake on earth, get flyboy (Pilot), when get new flyboy get big one to fill up seat tight so no shake from or in seat. Sometimes flyboy shaking because no trust engine, this because take-care aircraft officer poor salesman or about to detach (leave the Air Force).

B. Ifnany flyboys say engine shake too much, maybe good idea see wahassamatta.

C. Get groundboy (crewchief) sit in gunpowder chair (ejection seat) and work kerosene handles (throttle). When engine turning and shake like mad, stop and check whassamatta.

D. Number one for make engine shake, loose enginemounts, tighten like devil.

E. After whassamatta checkup with all outside test mashines and no find, take off hot pipe and count buckets on turbon wheel (the blades on the turbine). If firewheel loose buckets, because flyboy work kerosene handle too fast. If engine kafloom, kafloom (compressor stall) too many times, hot box and firewheel go to devil soon. If firewheel heapsick, also make engine shake.

F. Takecare flyingmachine man (mechanic) alltime lose tools infront air tunnel (air intake), make comprassing wheel heap sick, also make engine shake.

G. If machine still shake in sky, tell flyboy drive airplane straight so air tunnel don’t make duck turbalents. (No savvy what duck turbalence is). Engineer (Civilian) give deep talk for something, don’t know what talking about.

H. Sometime ballbearing loose marblos and engine shake like mad. This because getready flyman don’t preoil bearing.

I. If groundboy no find whassamatta, then call electric man (aircraft electrician) with blackbox. Man with blackbox tell truth whatter flyboy or groundboy feel engine shake by real or not. NOTE: If above no find whassamatta, check airplane for loose nut on end of stick and have electric man check with black box for short between rudder pedals and kerosene handle.

Last edited by Xeroid; 08-10-2002 at 04:44 PM.
Xeroid is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-10-2002, 04:02 PM   #8 (permalink)
Registered User
 
Knothead's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2001
Location: South Bay, CA
Posts: 600
Knothead is on a distinguished road
Hehehehee, Xeroid, thanks...still laughing over here!

Quote:
NOTE: If above no find whassamatta, check airplane for loose nut on end of stick and have electric man check with black box for short between rudder pedals and kerosene handle.
YEP!
"Problem exists between chair and keyboard."
Knothead is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-10-2002, 06:31 PM   #9 (permalink)
Registered User
 
Xeroid's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2001
Location: Georgia
Posts: 2,712
Xeroid is on a distinguished road
Glad you liked! I probably should have posted it in it's own thread so more members would notice it, but it was related to cowboybooter original post. It's nice to know that he had as many operator problems in his career as I've had in mine.

Mike
Xeroid is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-10-2002, 08:39 PM   #10 (permalink)
Registered User
 
Join Date: Oct 2001
Location: NC in the US
Posts: 3,732
Redwolf is on a distinguished road
Send a message via ICQ to Redwolf Send a message via AIM to Redwolf Send a message via Yahoo to Redwolf
Re: Another Funny !

Quote:
Originally posted by cowboybooter

(P) Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick
(S) That's what they're there for

(P) Target Radar hums
(S) Reprogrammed Target Radar with the words

You've probably heard before, but enjoy.

CBB
ROFL!

Gee, the radar hums? What's next, the turbine making a spinning noise?
Redwolf is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply




Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On


Most Active Discussions

Recent Discussions

All times are GMT -6. The time now is 06:15 PM.