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Warthog · 06-13-2002, 01:03 PM

Overpopulation Of Nerds
This truck driver hauling a tractor-trailer load of computers stops for a beer. As he approaches the bar he sees a big sign on the door saying "Nerds Not Allowed - Enter At Your Own Risk!" He goes in and sits down.

The bartender comes over to him, sniffs, says, "You smell kind of nerdy. What do you do for a living?" The truck driver says, "I drive a truck, and the smell is just from the computers I am hauling" The bartender says, "Okay, truck drivers are not nerds" and serves him a beer.

As he is sipping his beer, a skinny guy walks in with tape around his glasses, a pocket protector with twelve kinds of pens and pencils, and a belt at least a foot too long. The bartender, without saying a word, pulls out a shotgun and blows the guy away.

The truck driver said, totally shocked, "Why did you do that?"

The bartender said, "Not to worry, the nerds are overpopulating Silicon Valley and are in season now. You don't even need a license."

The truck driver finishes his beer, gets back in his truck, and heads back onto the freeway. Suddenly he veers to avoid an accident, and the load shifts. The back door breaks open and computers spill out all over the freeway.

He jumps out and sees a crowd already forming, grabbing up the computers. They are all engineers, accountants and programmers wearing the nerdiest clothes he has ever seen. He can't let them steal his whole load. So, remembering what happened in the bar, he pulls out his gun and starts blasting away, felling several of them instantly.

A highway patrol officer comes zooming up and jumps out of the car screaming at him to stop. The truck driver said, "What's wrong? I thought nerds were in season."

"Well, sure," said the patrolman. "But you can't bait 'em."

Subject: VIRUS ALERT!!
Date: Monday, April 26, 1999 1:00 PM
If you receive an e-mail with a subject of "Badtimes," delete it Immediately WITHOUT reading it. This is the most dangerous Email virus yet. It will re-write your hard drive.

Not only that, but it will scramble any disks that are even close to your computer.
It will recalibrate your refrigerator's coolness setting so all your ice cream goes melty.
It will demagnetize the strips on all your credit cards, screw up the tracking on your VCR and use subspace field harmonics to scratch any CD's you try to play.
It will give your old boyfriend/girlfriend your new phone number.
It will mix Kool-aid into your fishtank.
It will drink all your beer and leave its socks out on the coffee table when there's company coming over.
It will hide your car keys when you are late for work.

Badtimes will make you fall in love with a penguin.
It will give you nightmares about circus midgets with festering skin disorders.
It will pour sugar in your gas tank.
It will shave off both your eyebrows while seeing your husband/wife behind your back and billing the dinner and hotel room to your Visa card.
It will seduce your grandmother. It does not matter if she is dead, such is the power of Badtimes, it reaches out beyond the grave to sully those things we hold most dear.
It moves your car randomly around parking lots so you can't find it.
It will kick your dog.
It will leave libidinous messages on your boss's voice mail in your voice!

Badtimes will give you Dutch Elm disease.
It will leave the toilet seat up.
It makes your stomach rumble and fizzle during quiet moments in company meetings.
It will make a batch of Methamphetamine in your bathtub and then leave bacon cooking on the stove while it goes out to chase gradeschoolers with your new riding mower.
It will force you to leap out of your seat during the "It's a Small World" ride at Disneyland and dance with the puppets.
You will change your name to Berkowitz and join a travelling gypsy troupe.
The penguin will go with you.
Badtimes will cause you to buy every Barney videotape made and watch them continuously while tripping on acid and playing with razorblades.

Badtimes is insidious and subtle.
It is dangerous and terrifying to behold.
These are just a few signs... Just be very careful!

lol........2nd one is so random