Dealing with girlfriend's father... advice needed

[Gomer]

I have been dating a girl now for a little over 6 months. She graduated in december and was living at home for awhile before moving back to Lansing. During this time I spent several weekends at her parents house and they were very hospitable. Dinner and breakfast always ready and whatnot. Her dad also hooked me up with a college hockey ticket when I was around when he didn't feel like going to the game, popped for the occasional movie etc.

I was always very thankful.. was a good houseguest etc. I bought them a nice bird book as their property is very near a large wetland area. Even went out on the roof (2 story) during 50 mph winds to nail down some shingles that were coming loose.

So here is the deal... her father has hurt his back and is unable to mow the lawn. This is a very large lawn (several acres). Easily a 2 hour job, longer with trimming and other issues (I am sure he will have additional things to take care of).

He mentioned something to my GF during a quick phonecall today about seeing if I would do it. Me doing it is not a problem as I am out of school and looking for my dream job still. I have the time. It's about an hour and a half round trip to her parent's place. He said something to her about paying me for it ($50 or so).

The problem is that I dunno how to feel about excepting payment considering what they have done for me when I am over there. On the other hand, I REALLY need the $$'s right now what with the joblessness and all.

Opinions all????? She is going to discuss it further with him tomorrow afternoon.

[Mortis]

Assuming it takes an afternoon one day a week and you not working or going to school (as you stated...)- I would accept payment for Gas costs only. I understand that money is tight for you right now, so accepting payment for gas is cool. But, I wouldnt accept payment for the services. However, I would make it clear that you will do this under these conditions for as long as you can, ie- until ya get a job or the commute becomes too much. I would not let it be assumed that you will do it all summer... kinda lay it out as temporarily helping out.

Just my 0.02...

[crystaldragon]

Sounds like your head is in the right place but your pocket book isn't! j/k

Seriously, Go ahead and take care of the lawn for him. If he offers payment try to accept it graciously while letting him know that while appreciated, the money wasn't your real motive. If you reject his offer out-of-hand you may actually hurt his feelings. Us older folks often feel obligated to repay people who help us do things that for one reason or another we can't do for ourselves.
JD

[Knothead]

Crystal beat me to it.

That's about the deal, Gomer, if I were in the man's shoes, I would feel exactly that way. That was some good advice, JD.

I agree with CD on that one. If he has genuinely hurt his back and it makes him not be able to do stuff he wants to, it could be a bit hard for him anyhow. You making a fuss over him paying might make him feel worse. I did a lot of work with staff who hurt their backs and it's not easy to not be able to do what you used to.

So do it, accept it, and make him aware it's not the money you are doing it for.

Cultivating a good relationship with potential future in-laws is a good move

Cheers
Mick

Woops - beaten to agreement by Knothead!

[cadetstimp]

Hmm... this is an opportunity! The long term relationship benefit and goodwill for the you, GF and the parents far outweighs the money. You can already take on the role as a Son and, at the same time, express how important family is to you. Imagine all the upcoming holidays for years being that much more happy and fun as a close family as one! (heh heh ...that rhymed! )

Don't take the money unless you absolutely have to or unless they insist because it makes them feel better! ..if things are too tight or you are forced to take the money you could buy more landscaping tools with at least part of the money to help make the job quicker and easier. (is a monthy payment for a rider mower less than $50 a month?... and yet your still the one doing it!)

[nunyadam]

What they said^

I've worked for elderly people, and they expect to pay. they don't want charity. i've tried to turn down payment, and they will not hear of it.

They may also like you and be looking for a way to help without just giving you money.

[Sweet]

Hey Gomer, My hats off to you for wanting to help out. That sentiment warmed my heart. Take the money with gratitude. I have an acre with many trees and to have someone mow it, they want over a hundred dollars. I'm sure it would cost alot more for a service to do it for them.

The kicker here is.... how good are u gonna do it. Attention to detail is important. It could take an hour to mow, and 5 hours to weed eat and trim. Have 'Pop" give you a rundown about what he expects. Afterall, you want this to be a win-win situation.
Good Luck!

[Philip1952]

If you reject his offer out-of-hand you may actually hurt his feelings. Us older folks often feel obligated to repay people who help us do things that for one reason or another we can't do for ourselves.

Very well said crystal. I know most of us older folks feel this way. Just think a few short decades ago. I couldn't have said that.

Gomer I now you won't feel right about getting paid for the work. Just tell him you are uneasy with it. But you will abide by his wishes. Be sure to take his daughter"(your lady)" along on the mowing trip. That way she can visit with them also. It will help to ease the tension on the first couple of trips.
I hope his back gets better.

[ClubMed]

I haven't read anyone's respose, but if this was my GF's father or family, I would not accept money from them. To me, it would be like they are part of my family.

Hope this helps