My son Tyler--please read!

[Martoch]

After reading Korgul's thread about his children, I felt the need to write this one.
Please take the time to read this...it's personal, but I want to share something with you all...

Well let me tell you a little something about my son Tyler that makes me appreciate everything he does 10 times more than the "average" parent. He's partially autistic...for those of you who have any experience with autistic children you know how hard they can be to deal with. I say he's partially because he doesn't fit all of the classic symptoms of autism. You can't tell he's developmentally disabled by the way he looks, I posted his pic for those of you who didn't see it in my other thread.

We've had some rough years, in and out of different daycares that couldn't deal with his biting, kicking, scratching, punching, etc...yes, autistic children can be very violent at time and are usually stronger than other kids their age. He has to be put in a Rifton Chair when he "spazzes out" because he'll either hurt himself or put another child in danger. When he wants something all he says is "this one, this one, this one"...about 100 MPH until I say, "Tyler, tell me slowly what you want." Then he says, "Can I have this one please?"...still no help. He eventually will tell me what he wants, but by that time he's usually throwing a fit because I won't give him things based off of him calling everything "this one"

Another big problem is his lack of communications/social skills...he can answer a few questions like "what is your name", "how old are you", etc...but if you say "how are you doing?", he just repeats it right back to you. It's called echolalia and he does it every day. You ask him "why did you throw that?" and he says "why did you throw that?". Sometimes he'll say "no throwing", but he's just repeating what he's been told over and over. Everyday I ask him "how was school?", then he asks me "how was school?" right back.

Don't get me wrong, it's not all THAT bad...but it is very tough. Other parents who can actually talk to their kids about things tell me how they wouldn't be able to handle it if they couldn't communicate with their children and that I must have it rough. Well let me tell you, I have shed many a tear because I can't really talk to my son. Sometimes I'll sit him down and talk to him, but his blank stare tells me that he really doesn't understand what I'm saying. He turned 5 in March and just had another evaluation done...most of the tests were invalid because he didn't understand what the psychologist was asking him to do.

I think the most frustrating thing is watching other kids at playgrounds call him "weird" or laugh at him because he doesn't talk back to them and he makes a lot of strange sounds that 3 yr olds make. He has no idea that they're teasing him because all he wants to do is play and have a good time. It's so hard to watch. For those of you who may see your kids teasing another child because he or she is a little "different", please think of the father that's watching from a distance...trying with all his might to hold back the tears. It just might be me.

Sure, I appreciate the things that he can do like putting his own socks/shoes on and kicking a soccerball around...but I don't know if he'll ever be able to live on his own and it scares me.

You know something though, I tell him how much I love him every chance I get and I wouldn't trade my life with Tyler for anything in the world. I believe God gave me Tyler because he knew that I would be the most loving Daddy ever. Wanna know something else? When he hugs me and says "I love you Daddy", all of his problems just fade away...

[brandon184]

I'm an (extremely) tough person to make shed a tear, but this one almost did it.. Especially after looking at the photo.

I'm really not sure what to say. It must be awful for him to have this terrible disorder, but at the same time you can appreciate so much, the fact that you have, and love him.

I've spent a lot of time thinking about what to put into this reply, but I can't think of anything fitting at this time. I'll keep it in mind, though.

Thank-You for sharing your story!

- Brandon
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[Warthog]

Yeah, I agree with brandon exactly

I actually read this an hour ago but didn't know what to say, although it did effect me. Its a very touching story and did make me think. We actually had a small discussion about that topic in the mirc chat.

Warthog

[Martoch]

I appreciate you taking the time to read my story...I know it's hard to find the right words to say to me, but just knowing that you wanted to say something is worth more than you know. There's probably ten other people who want to type something, but can't think of the right words. I must admit, when I first found this website I wasn't sure if I would even sign up...I'm so glad I did, it's more than just a tech support page. It's not often that I share my personal life with people that I don't really know too well, but you all make me feel welcome. Thank you...

Feel free to visit this thread again later and add any words that pop up in your minds...it's good to know that people care.

[nunyadam]

Originally posted by Martoch
I appreciate you taking the time to read my story...I know it's hard to find the right words to say to me, but just knowing that you wanted to say something is worth more than you know. There's probably ten other people who want to type something, but can't think of the right words. I must admit, when I first found this website I wasn't sure if I would even sign up...I'm so glad I did, it's more than just a tech support page. It's not often that I share my personal life with people that I don't really know too well, but you all make me feel welcome. Thank you...

Feel free to visit this thread again later and add any words that pop up in your minds...it's good to know that people care.

you couldn't have said it better. It really sums up how I feel about this place.

My wife works for adults like your son, she know's the challenges you face. It totaly burns her up when people disrespect her clients because they have a problem that is no fault of there own.

My wife say's it takes a special person to care for them. I don't think I could do it. (I know I don't want her job.) You sound as if you really must be.

I hope you don't mind if I quote you in My own thread , It's just you hit the nail on the head.

nunya

First, Martoch, what a good looking boy!!

You are right in focusing on the positive. I don't know about this condition, but with the way medical science is progressing, there will be a solution in the near furure.

What's the prognosis when they are older?

I know kids can be very cruel to other children and have always taught my boys to go out of their way to be friends to children who get teased/made fun of for whatever reasons.

Good luck to you and Hi to your son. Hope he can read this.

Shahani

Thanks for sharing your son's difficulties with us Martoch.

And I feel the same way you do about this site. It's a great place to share things with each other.

I haven't got any kids with development difficulties, just a hyperactive 9yo son and an overpopular 13yo daughter. So I can't really say I know what you are going through, because I don't. But my prayers are with you and your son, Tyler, as you strive to find common ground you can share together.

Cheers
Mick

[Sweet]

Tyler is fortunate to have you for a Dad.

[Martoch]

Originally posted by nunyadam
I hope you don't mind if I quote you in My own thread , It's just you hit the nail on the head.

nunya

Please feel free nunya, I'm glad I could help!

[Martoch]

Originally posted by shahani
First, Martoch, what a good looking boy!!

...

What's the prognosis when they are older?



Shahani

First off, thanks! I think his looks are from Daddy!

As far as the prognosis when they are older, it's hard to say really. Some kids "catch up" a lot faster than others...I just have to wait and see what the future brings for Tyler. Nunya might want to handle that question as his wife works with adults with learning disabilities...

Again, I want to thank you all so much for taking the time to read my thread...believe it or not it really helps me look on the bright side of things. What wonderful people you are...