The further adventure's of Harvey P.H. (private hampster)

[nunyadam]

So there I was sitting in my office knocking back a shot of the old’ zero proof, it had been a rough week and I was ready to call it a day. When there came a knock at the door, and this was a knock that had trouble written all over it. I hollered, “Come in it’s open” as I rested my hand on my piece.

Through the door walked a dame, and she was no ordinary dame. She was long and lean, built for speed. The type of woman my mother warned me about, but I never could find. And now here she was standing in my office. I swallowed to keep the drool from running down my face and asked her what she wanted ?

Said she had a problem, a big problem.

I said everybody’s got problems what makes your's so special?

To which she replied….

*dibs*

"I've lost my hamster". As she said this tears formed in her eyes, making her look even more desirable than before. I had to restrain myself from reaching out and taking her in my hamsterly arms...

"So, what do you think happened to him?" I said when I felt my voice was kinda under control.

"I think he was kidnapped!" she said, with her wide, baby blue eyes shining.

“What makes you think that? Hamsters run away all the time. I ran away myself a few time from previous employers, until I set up here.”

“Because I last saw him being shoved into a big black limo by several guys in tuxedos”, she said.

My skin crawled. I had to ask…

“They didn’t happen to have beaks, did they?” I asked as casually as I could, while my heart was pumping at twice the speed of sound.

“Why, yes”, she said with that wide eyed look. “How on earth did you know that?”

“That’s why I’m the PI and you’re the dame”, I said more boldy than I felt. I had this sinking feeling a bit like the Titanic. “Now we could be in trouble here, ‘cause there was this court case recently, and maybe, just maybe, someone's building themselves an empire that needs well overclocked hamsters...."

[Knothead]

**Knothead rubs his disbelieving eyes...

OMG...

OMG....

LOL....

[caddmannq]

"Well there's also this." she said, handing me a copy of the Silicon Daily Chip Dip opened to page two.

"Penguins Invade Seattle" read the headlne. The picture above the copy wasn't pretty either. I well knew what that bunch of tuxedoed malcontents were capable of. It looked like the Kent State Massacre, only in formal attire.

"What's this hamster's name, Babe?" I offered, eyeballing her finer assets like a Morgan Stanley broker with a sailboat and large orthodontist's bills hanging over his head.

She pretended not to notice my beady eyed attentions.

"Maurice. That's his name. He's my second. The first was, ummm...well caught by the cat."

Oh Jesus! A cat owner! I thought. And just when I was starting to think that a long term contract with this dame might be in the cards. I tried not to flinch. "Any distinguishing marks?"

"Well...he has this birthmark on his right rear leg in the shape of Sonny Bono." She mused a bit. "Oh, yeah. And a little bald spot where the cat nipped him once."

Oh crap! She still HAD that murdering cat? What was she thinking? Mentally, I doubled the fee I normally charge people that I don't wanna do business with. "My fee is $600 dollars a day...plus expenses." I was hoping that she'd flinch this time. She didn't.

She whipped out a wad of bills that should have raised another red flag in my brain, but the sight of all that loot caused me to have a "starving hamster moment." I was tapped out from too much pro bono work, and I needed the dough. I tried not to drool.

Pulling off two large, she tossed the bills on my desk the way I toss old bottles of zero-proof in the dumpster, and remarked: "This ought to cover your expenses for a bit."

Cover them!? I was gonna be sleeping in green litter tonight, boys! I slipped her the standard contract, and told her: "Meet me over at Delbert's pool hall, about eight tonight. I should have a lead or two by then."

She tossed me a sly grin, and legged it out the door. That's when I heard a car door slam in the street below. Peeking out through the blinds, I spotted the black limo at the curb below....

[nunyadam]

It was to late, even as I ran for the door calling her back, I new it was to late. They had her . Whoever these penguins were they had her.
Who was she ? what the heck do penguins want with a dame and a hampster?

I made it to the street in time to see the limo pull away I only caught part of the plate , and I wasn't sure I wanted to know the rest. All I saw was the first 4 letters and they were CADD......

Could he be somehow involved?

Not Cadd ...?/could he?

I can't... it's too much.... I'll leave it to someone else...

[TheBurningCat]

I'll get into this action after exam week.

Just hope i can keep up with you dudes.

[caddmannq]

I was stunned...unable to think clearly what to do next, and I started to walk back up the steps to my office in a rigid mechanical fashion, like Michael Jackson trying to dance in heavily startched coveralls. This annoying sound kept ringing in my ears. So blasted annoying in fact, that I missed the first step entirely and almost endded up as the world's first pug-nosed hamster.
That noise! Why wouldn't it stop! And those stupid words!

"I'm a lumberjack and I'm OK,
I sleep all night and I work all day,
I cut down trees and eat my lunch,
And go to the lavaaaatree."

"Stop it! Stop it!" I screamed with my paws covering my ears. "You idiot! You knothead! Stop it you knot......"

"KNOTHEAD!" It was a...no...the...Knothead! My old, ummm, well partner I guess. In any event, I really owed him something in the way of a byline.

"Knothead, you old stump-humper! I haven't seen you in a year! Whaddaya been up to?" I gave him a big furry hug, causing his normally knotty pine complexion to blush a rich cherrywood.

"Gosh, Harvey! I almost didn't recognize you now that all your fur grew back!" I rubbed the thin spot on the back of my head. It still felt chilly at times. Particularly near high-tension wires or loud fans.

"I got this fancy new office here...Hey! You should come up for a snort, Knotty, old pal! Catch up a bit..."

"You bet, Harvey...I got this cool new Dangerfield CD we can hear. I was just gonna play it, but some lowlife swiped the radio outta my car!"

Car? D@mn! THE CAR!

"Hey Knothead! Did you get the plate on that black limo that just pulled out?"

"Gee, no, Harvey." Knot repplied, raising a knotty knuckle and thunking the stainless steel disk, firmly Tek-screwed to the top of his noggin. "I got this in a head-on with a black Benz, outside of RAMBUS last year."

"Oh, geeze-louise, Knot! Lets just go have that drink..."

We started up the 13 steps to my office.

[caddmannq]

^must bump^
...contributers wanted....
...no experience necessary.....