Gouki's VD Blues. (Was Re: It's Valentine's Day... Are you Loveless?)

[Gouki]

*note* See the thread quoted in the subject line if you're just tuning in.

Dutch Master wrote:

Talking to each other is the best way. If something is bothering you say it, if something is bothering her she should say it too. That way you can work things out

heh heh...guess I forgot to mention that she's asian. lol. In my limited experience...Asian women have *NO PROBLEMS WHATSOEVER* when it comes to speaking their minds. lol. They're quite direct and at times can seem brutally honest. But that was one of the things that attracted me to her...I knew if I did something she didn't like, she'd let me know.

Anyways...she's just started going out with the ppl from work within the last month or so. And typically it was 1 night a week..at the most 2. But this past week...3 nights in a row. One til 3am and the others around 5.

But about this guy that admitted he liked her...and what I could do about it. I'm not that worried about it...it really upset her though because (in her words), "I don't treat him any differently then I do anyone else...how did this happen?" She's afraid that it could ruin a friendship and she knew there was the possibility of me getting upset with him, etc. He knows that she's married...he knows that she's off limits but I guess it got to the point where he had to get it off his chest, no matter what the consequences. She said that he's never flirted with her..and she had no idea that he felt this way towards her. I'm just hoping that he lets it go and doesn't pursue this any farther. I also hope that it doesn't ruin their friendship.

And what's she doing after she closes the bar?

[Gouki]

Around here...the bars close at 1am. But all one has to do is go across the river into Illinois...where the clubs can stay open til the sun comes up.

They either go there...or one of the other girls apt.

All I would have to do is ask one of the other ppl that was there if anything out of the ordinary went on. I still trust her though...

Once...a few weeks ago they drove to Metropolis Illinois and went to the Casino til all hours of the morning...

[Mortis]

I am with Surreal on this...

Mortis

[Knothead]

Gouki, um...this is your WIFE you're talking about, and she's out with FRIENDS and not you on VALENTINE'S DAY?!?

I think Surreal's being easy on you, but I am not: You got big trouble here, my friend.

Perhaps she's flattered by this other guy's attentions...but the fact that she continues to hang with them, and not you, is the biggest RED FLAG I ever heard of.

I think if I were you, I would arrange to join the festivities. Get to know this guy, and make your presence felt to him...and also watch how they interact.

And for God's sake, take the blinders off. I know, I know...you still trust her. Yep, that's what did me in with my wife...I couldn't see through the BS until it was too late.

As I see it, you're on VERY shaky ground and need very much to face some very rough possibilities.

I don't envy you. I'm sorry if I'm being harsh. I hope you can pull it off... Todd

[OuTpaTienT]

Ditto here. Either make yourself present at these get togethers or while you're home alone the least you can do is make yourself useful and start working on the divorce papers.

If this were a girlfriend it would be different.
But it's not, it's your wife. And someone's wife not coming home till 5 in the morning is a big'ol honking fluorescent RED FLAG. Wake up man.

If it were a one time thing and she had a reasonable excuse then no problem. But once a week she's not coming home till 3 or 5am. Good God man, the sun coming up at 5am. In my brutally honest opinion, I think you're being played for a fool.

Her going out with the girls or even with the gang from work (girls & guys) wouldn't be big deal if it appeared more normal...like her hanging out with them for a few hours, having a few drinks or whatever and then being home at a reasonable time (like before midnight). But her choosing to stay out until the crack of dawn...once a week or more!? That's just ridiculous. There IS something going on. If you don't see it, it's only because you CHOOSE not to see it.

Please don't take this reply the wrong way. I'm only being so brutally honest with the hopes of slapping some sense into ya.

[Knothead]

There IS something going on. If you don't see it, it's only because you CHOOSE not to see it.

And I thought I was being rough.

But...I think he's right. Like I said, I don't envy you, buddy.
Feel free to e-mail or PM, if you feel the need. Todd

[Knothead]

Oh, and Gouki?

I'm sure I don't need to say this to you, but just in case...don't exhibit this thread to her. You do NOT want to do a 'make wrong' number here.

If she is still on your side, you'll want to consolidate...not invalidate. Remember, we're not privy to the entire deal, like you.

[big_buick]

my momma always said nothing good happens at 5 in the morning. we all like to blow off some steam, maybe all she's doing is having some time with people from work. although Val.Day seems a little extreme. sorry i dont have any other advise i'm single.

[Gouki]

Holy cow! I get home from working out for a few hours (does wonders when you're stressed or worried about something) and I get a ton of emails saying that ppl have replied to both threads...

You guys are awesome. Period.

I haven't had a chance to read through the replies and I don't have time to do it right now...but will hopefully have time tomorrow. But just wanted to say thanks for all the advice/support!