thought out replies need only apply......

[sao95]

here's something I'm trying to wrap my brain around. Any insight would be helpful. Here's the background behind the question. I talked to my sister today, and my niece, who has been out of school for a few months now for health problems, has had to get a tutor, since her doctor says she can't go backto school, the school must provide the tutor. She's had a few already (teachers working extra hours), and they keep changing, (i'm guessing their taking turns), so along comes the next tutor and it's a male third grade teacher. He wants to have the tutor sessions early in the morning at the school. My sister won't do it as she says there is no one in the school that early. She says she is not sending her daughter to be alone with a man, she doesn't know, unsupervised. Being a man this bothered me a little bit. That's definately gender discrimination, (is discrimination the right word here?) Since I have a daughter I asked myself would I send her, I found that I would have, Perhaps a bit naively percieving that "hey he's a teacher". But I also found that in an ordinary situation I would be more comfortable leaving her at a female babysitters as opposed to a male babysitters. This presents me with a state of mental confusion as I've always felt that men can be just as maternal as women, I've never felt the need to embrace gender roles concerning who can supposedly better raise a child better. And yet I find this bit of hypocrisy within myself. What are your thoughts about this from a personnal or a social perspective, or both.

[Pexster]

A few things come to mind --

1) I'm a little surprised that the teacher would allow himself to be in this position. What does the school principal have to say about this?

2) In any situation like this, where a loved one is at the mercy of others (this can apply to elders, also), irregular un-announced visits are a good idea.

3) Are you and your sister sure that no one else will be around? There may well be other staff nearby. Is the room open to view, etc.?

You said the purpose of having the tutor/s is to provide home-schooling for the child, since her doctor prescribed it.

So, (A) Why is the tutor asking her to leave the home, and (B) Why even question the consideration to do so in the first place, if it's going against doctor's advice..?

If it were my child under these conditions, I'd definitely not let the child leave. And I would not let my young child leave my home with a stranger - male or female.

[sharder8]

Good question!

I would not have sent my daughter (and I have 2), not because I don't trust the school, or the teacher, but because of what has changed in society. The request by the "tutor" would/should be questioned as proper, considering that in society today, you never have a single male, single female, alone in an unsupervised situation. (In the work place . . . . if a manager is going to "talk" to an employee of the opposite sex . . . . the manager should have another empoyee/manager present.)

With all the headlines in recent years about negative things happening, even in the schools . . . I think it would be improper for the teacher to have even made the request. I would think that the school administrators would also find this an improper request by the teacher today.

Just my thoughts . . .

Harder

[Chuckiechan]

We are making the assumption that "alone" really means "alone". Does this teacher have keys to the school? Schools are rarely empty after 7:00 am. I would call the principle and simply ask, "Mr. so and so wants my neice in the school at 7:00 am for tutoring. Is the school actually open that early?". (make him ponder the question & answer it himself. Principals are usually pretty bright people).

If there is anything fishy, he'll know. Plus, he will see that it may be a burden on the student and parent to get there that early and may suggest something else. Plus. there are layers upon layers of "special programs" with money for cases like this.

I really think your sister should just go into a home schooling program for your neice rather that regular school. When she is up to going back to school, tutoring could be used to get her back up to speed in necessary.

[Gait_Keeper]

Great answers and questions by all above, I have some of the same answers ans questions.
Is alone really alone are there other staff in the school that early preparing for the day?
the doctor said HOME tutoring, although getting out may be good for her, I don't know the details of her illness.

One thing I don't think anyone addressed was gender discrimination.

the idea that techers are automaticly trustworthy is not a bad one I'm a little older and that's the way it was, but things have changed, maybe not changed but we are more aware of the dangers to a child from an adult.

Back in my day it would make sense for same sex tutors, even oppsite sex tutors but same sex prefered.

You said you would send your own daughter because "He's a teacher" but a female baby sitter, that's easy, a techer is a trained professional and a baby sitter is not.

We have this thing that professionals are always good, and non-professionals are to be leary of

in these days and times it's too hard to tell the difference
maybe discrimination was a harsh word, when it's more like social conditioning.

[Sweet]

Hi, here are some of my thoughts on this. HOME means home, not at school. Unsupervised, absolutely not.

here's an article from our local area....


Fontainebleau High coach arrested on rape charges

05:04 PM CDT on Tuesday, April 13, 2004


WWLTV.com



The head coach of girls' basketball at Fontainebleau High School near Mandeville was arrested Tuesday on charges of raping a female student.




St. Tammany Parish Sheriff's Office
Brian Keith Falati
James Hartman, a spokesman for the St. Tammany Parish Sheriff’s Office said that 38-year-old Brian Keith Falati was charged with forcible rape for the incident that allegedly occurred in August 2002.


According to Hartman, the victim contends that Falati raped her in his office one afternoon after school and then threatened her if she reported the crime.


Falati is listed as the school's head basketball coach for girls on its web site.


Hartman said, the victim, now 18 years old, reported the crime to her mother last month. The spokesman said juvenile detectives investigated and found sufficient grounds to seek an arrest warrant.


Bond has not been set for Falati. He could face between five and 40 years in prison if convicted.

[thekingofpain]

Maybe I missed it---maybe it doesnt matter---how old is this "child"?

[geeraff]

It is gender discrimination. And it's too bad that countless goodhearted men are automatically suspect if they enjoy working with or helping children.

At the same time you have to look out for you and yours, and it's a guardian's duty to ensure the safety of their kids. In the end, if you're not okay with it, disallow it.

[sao95]

After all the replies I realized I wasn't detailed enough about the situation so ley me answer the questions brought up.
1) alone was how my sister stated it, I asked about that as well and she said there would be janitors, et cetera, I thought there would be teachers as well since when I had sub taught many teachers arrived earlky to grade papers, or just to gossip. I think it would be in his classromm with the door open as well, which in my opinion is not a negative thing. The guy says opkay this is how this works, now go do these questions and he can get some of his own work done as well.. (I admit I'm a little trusting, but then all of the teachers I worked with were trustworthy), keep in mind that she had already been tutored by two women, in a classroom alone, although I believe it was after school.

2) the doctors note doesn't want her in school because the problem is her eyes, they strain easily because they have some rare thing (i don't know what it is) and have to have special medication put in, the appt. times for the tutoring are set up with the doctors time guidelines to avoid over using them. So she isn't bed ridden at all, hence going to school for the tutoring doesn't conflict with medical restrictions.

3) she did talk to the principal and the principal basically said "hey, this is who can tutor, and this is when he can do it"- I think his thinking is that to give in to this type of pressure would be to taint this teachers charecter. For an instance of this, look at Sweets post, it's an accusation, nothing had been proven against this coach (at least not that I read) and yet the mere accusation has ruined this mans credibility, it's assumed he did it.

4) her age is 8yrs

hope that clears up some of the questions (also note that I edited my first post as it should have said "comfortable leaving her with a female babysitter as opposed to a male babysitter"
some very good replies btw, I notice that everyone with kids has said that they would not let their children go, although I understand perfectly the desire to protect your children, does this go into the realm of paranoia since nothing has ever been said negatively about this teacher before. Can a parent be too overprotective, to the point where our societal beliefs concerning what is appropriate and what is inappropriate change? What is the impact, of all this distrust we have of our fellow man/woman? We want everyone to live a moral life, and yet we don't want to believe anyone is moral or to trust that morality, what does that mean?

edit: I just thought of something, It's very hard to keep negative things from happening to those you love, and yet it's very easy to keep positive things from happening to them- in our haste to protect, do we actually harm. I was thinking of various people who have influenced me in a positive way, this teacher could have been the teacher she looked back on 40 years from now and thought "he really showed me that there is good in people"...