This may be old hat to some, but it just crossed my desk(top) and I thought it a viable alternative for those family members, friends, customers, neighbors, etc. who are just flat-out dangerous around a computer
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Should my loved one be placed in an Assisted Computing Facility?
THE TOUGHEST DECISION: SHOULD MY LOVED ONE BE PLACED IN AN ASSISTED
COMPUTING FACILITY?
For family members, it is often the most difficult and painful decision
they will face: to accept that a loved one - a parent, a spouse, perhaps a
sibling - is technologically impaired and should no longer be allowed to
live independently, or come near a computer or electronic device without
direct supervision. The time has come to place that loved one into the
care of an Assisted Computing Facility. But you have questions. So many
questions.
We at Silicon Pines want to help.
WHAT EXACTLY IS AN "ASSISTED COMPUTING FACILITY"?
Sometimes referred to as "Homes for the Technologically Infirm,"
"Technical Invalid Care Centers," or "Homes for the Technically
Challenged," Assisted Computing Facilities (ACFs) are modeled on assisted
living facilities, and provide a safe, structured residential environment
for those unable to handle even the most common, everyday multi
tasks. Most fully accredited ACFs, like Silicon Pines, are an oasis of
hope and encouragement that allow residents to lead productive,
technologically relevant lives without the fear and anxiety associated with
actually having to understand or execute the technologies themselves.
WHO SHOULD BE IN AN ACF?
Sadly, technology is advancing at such a dramatic rate that many millions,
of all ages, will never truly be able to understand it, putting an undue
burden on those friends and family members who must explain it to
them. But unless the loved one is suffering from a truly debilitating
affliction, such as Reinstallzheimers, the decision to commit is entirely
personal. You must ask yourself:
"How frustrated am I that my parent/sibling/spouse is unable to open an
email attachment?"
"How much of my time should be taken up explaining how RAM is different
from hard drive memory?"
"How many times can I bear to hear my dad say, 'Hey, can I replace the
motherboard with a fatherboard? Ha ha ha!'"
To make things easier, we have prepared a list of Warning Signs which we
encourage you to return to often, or, if you can't figure out how to
bookmark it, print out.
Also, please take a moment to read "I'm Glad I'm in Here! - A Resident's
Story."
MUST IT BE FAMILY, OR CAN I PLACE ANYONE IN AN ACF?
Several corporations have sought permission to have certain employees, or
at times entire sales departments, committed to ACFs. At present, however,
individuals can be committed only by direct family or self-internment. The
reason is simple: there are not nearly enough ACFs in the world to
accommodate all the technologically challenged. For example, there are
currently only 860,000 beds available in ACFs, but there are 29 million AOL
users.
HOW MUCH WILL IT COST?
ACF rents range from free up to $12,500 per month. The disparity is
currently a point of contention in the ACF industry. Many residents are
covered through government programs such as Compucaid or Compucare, but
reimbursement rates are low and only cover a portion of the fees.
Exacerbating the situation are the HMOs (HelpDesk Maintenance
Organizations), which often deny coverage, forcing residents to pay out of
pocket or turn to expensive private techcare insurers such as
BlueCache/BlueScreen.
Offsetting the costs are technology companies themselves, many of which
subsidize ACFs. Firms such as Microsoft, Dell, Qualcomm, and America
Online will pay up to 100 percent of a resident's monthly bill, but there
is a catch. ISPs, for instance, require residents to sign service
contracts lasting a year or more. Microsoft, meanwhile, prohibits the
installation of any competitive software, while Priceline requires that
residents buy shares of its stock, which seems onerous but saves residents
on lavatory tissue.
HOW OLD MUST I BE TO HAVE SOMEONE COMMITTED?
Until very recently, you had to be 18 or older to legally commit a family
member. However, the now famous British court case Frazier vs. Frazier
and Frazier has cleared the way for minors to commit their parents. In
that case,
15-year-old Bradley Frazier of Leicester had his 37-year-old parents
committed to an ACF in Bournemouth after a judge ruled Ian and Janet
Frazier were a "danger to themselves and the community." According to court
records, Bradley told his parents about the I LoveYou virus and warned them
not to click attachments, then the next day his parents received an I
LoveYou email and clicked on the attachment because, they explained, "it
came from someone we know."
WHAT SHOULD I LOOK FOR IN AN ACF? First, make sure it's a genuine Assisted
Computing Facility, and not an Assisted Living Facility. To tell the
difference, observe the residents. If they look rather old and tend to
openly discuss bowel movements, this is probably 'assisted living.' On the
other hand, if they vary in age and say things like, "I'm supposed to
figure that out? I'm not Bill goddamned Gates you know!," this is probably
'assisted computing.'
Also, at a well-run ACF, residents should lead full, independent lives, and
should be allowed the use of many technology devices, including telephones,
electric toothbrushes, and alarm clocks. However, only a facility's
Licensed Techcare Professionals (LTPs) should perform computational or
technological tasks such as installing programs or saving email
attachments. And LTPs should NEVER answer residents' questions because
studies have shown that answering user questions inevitably makes things
worse. Instead, residents should simply have things done for them,
relieving them of the pressure to "learn" or "improve."
CAN A RESIDENT EVER GET OUT?
No.
OK, THIS SOUNDS PROMISING. HOW CAN I LEARN MORE?
For your enlightenment, we offer extensive information on Silicon Pines and
the ACF lifestyle, which can be found by clicking one of the links in the
navigation bars found at both the top and bottom of this page. But
whatever you decide, keep in mind that due to demand, ACFs now have long
waiting lists. WebTV & AOL users alone will take years to absorb.
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